Subject: REVIEW: STAR TREK: FIRST CONTACT (1996)

From: [email-masked] (Yamamoto)
Date: 25 Nov 1996 17:50:46 GMT

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                        STAR TREK: FIRST CONTACT
                       A film review by Yamamoto
                        Copyright 1996 Yamamoto

Have you noticed that right after you get your clothes back from dry
cleaners, they attract stains?  And only for first week or so.  Then
you never spill anything on the dirty clothes again.  I swear there
must be a conspiracy going on around here.  I bet the dry cleaners
add stain attracting chemicals on your clothes that last about a week
or so.  Of course, if you keep it in the closet, it won't attract dirt until
you first put it on again.

Speaking of conspiracies, STAR TREK: FIRST CONTACT came
out so I had to go check it out.  It's the latest of the Star Trek movie
series.  This time around, the Federation's arch enemy come
knocking on the front door so of course Star Trek: The New
Generation crew must come to the rescue.  And they go through the
trekkie techno babble along the way just to save not only earth but
the whole world as we know it.

No nakkid boobs.  33 bullets.  Ship loads of dead bodies.  32 on the
vomit meter.  No moon shots.  What we got here are:  attack of the
killer borg-fu, drill to the eye-fu, implant-fu, dreams from hell-fu,
attack of killer comet-fu, targetting of non essential area-fu, techno
babble-fu, futile resistance-fu, ankle grab-fu, attack of bullet proof
body-fu, touchy feeling-fu,  tequila shots-fu, bad whisky-fu, and of
course, more techno babble-fu.  Video hall of fame nominations to: 
James Cromwell for saying stuff like  "Engage" and to Alice Krige
for saying stuff like "You strive to be imperfect?" and to Brent
Spiner for saying stuff like "You mean sexually?"  Of course to
Gates McFadden for saying stuff like "captain has made his
decision" and to Alfre Woodard for saying stuff like "captain Ahab"
and to Michael Dorn for saying stuff like "it made me sick to my
stomach".  And we can never forget Marina Sirtis for saying stuff
like "This is a primitive society" and to Patrick Stewart for saying
stuff like "I will make them pay!" and to Jonathan Frakes for saying
stuff like "you mean you told him" and to Levar Burton for saying
stuff like "that's funny".  Three and a half stars.  Shaggy Bob says
wicked!

Spoilers -- Another one of the Borg ship heads to earth to assimilate. 
Jean Luc is placed out of the loop because the higher up things he's a
liability.  Of course, he proves all the higher ups wrong and saves
the day.   In defeat, escaping Borg ship time travels and attack earth
in the past.  Hmm... didn't Cyberdine System 101 and T1000 try to
do something like that?  Anyhow, the Enterprise and her crew
follows and prevents altering of time line and saves the world from
being conquered by the Borg.  All the cameo by people from the
different series adds flavor to the flick.  But you really do need to
follow the TV series to fully appreciate the little quirks and inside
humor.
If you're waiting for the phone call from Paulina Porizkova, take the
cell phone and go see this movie.  If you follow Star Trek at all, I
doubt I'll even have to say that.

Alien Alert!  Why do politicians like to make people's lives
difficult?  And why do we elect these people who try their darnest to
make our lives miserable?  For example, the another freeway is
coming down but may not be replaced.  Gee, that makes spending
what, extra 40 min on the surface road instead of extra 20 min the
commuters spend now.  And if there were freeway system as it was
furst intended, we would be saving all that time for something more
constructive than sitting in the car, getting aggrivated by the BMW
who just cut you off.  No wonder people go postal.

For wisdom according to Shaggy Bob, hit that reply key now.