From archive (archive) Subject: Life, the Universe and Everything Keywords: Belgium, Fuck, Censorship, Trainspotting, LONG!!! From: euatdt@euas11g.ericsson.se (Torsten Dahlkvist) Organization: Ellemtel Utvecklings AB, Stockholm, Sweden Date: 30 Jun 89 08:02:13 GMT Differences between the US and UK editions of Douglas Adams' "Life, the Universe and Everything". Major Spoilers all through! The differences between the US and UK editions are more than can be called "minor". Sure, there are "small" changes (presumably due to some editor believing Americans to be more gentle and tender than the rough barbarian English...) but there are a couple of *major* differences (one of which has been beaten to death here before but what the Hell!) Like, what's the purpose of changing the chapter numbering? This way we have readers from both sides of the Atlantic giving chapter references which can never be reconciled. So, here follows a list of the differences I've found. I've used two paperback editions - UK "Pan" from 1982 and US "Pocket" from 1983. Chapter numbers: Since the "Important fact" at the end of US chapter 2 constitutes a chapter in itself in the UK edition and UK chapter 5 is missing from the US edition (see below), UK ch 4 => US ch 3 and UK ch 6 to 21 => US ch 5 to 19. UK ch 22, however, encompasses US ch 20 through 22, so that from ch 23 they are back in sync again. All up 'til the end where UK "Epilogue: Life, the Universe and Everything" is blandly labelled "Chapter 34" in the US. Differences in actual wording: Two occurrences of "Asshole" have been changed to "Kneebiter" (insults from Wowbagger and little boy in cricket match) UK chapter 5 is missing completely from the US edition. Important facts from Galactic history, number two: (Reproduced from the _Sidereal Daily Mentioner's Book of Popular Galactic History_.) Since this Galaxy began, vast civilizations have risen and fallen, risen and fallen, risen and fallen so often that it's quite tempting to think that life in the Galaxy must be (a) something akin to seasick - space-sick, time sick, history sick or some such thing, and (b) stupid. In chapter UK 22/US 21 (just before the "Belgium" mixup, see below), "shit" has been changed to "swut". In US chapter 31, page 195, there occurs what I think must be a genuine typo. UK phrasing (page 139): 'the odds against it intersecting with the orbit of the one planet in the Galaxy, or the whole of the Universe as far as I know, that would be totally traumatized to see it.' has come across: "the odds against its intersecting with the orbit of the one planet in the Galaxy or with the whole or the Universe, as far as I know would be totally staggering." Can anyone make sense of that latter paragraph? Finally, the greatest Belgium-up of all times. Original UK phrasing (page 114): 'The Most Gratuitous Use Of The Word "Fuck" In A Serious Screenplay. It's very prestigious.' 'I see', said Arthur, 'yes, and what do you get for that?' Has been filled out to become: "The Most Gratuitous Use of the Word "Belgium" in a Serious Screenplay. It's very prestigious." "The most gratuitous use of which word?" asked Arthur, with a determined attempt to keep his brain in neutral. "Belgium," said the girl, "I hardly like to say it." "Belgium?" exclaimed Arthur. A drunken seven-toed sloth staggered past, gawked at the word and threw itself backward at a blurry-eyed pterodactyl, roaring with displeasure. "Are we talking," said Arthur, "about the very flat country, with all the EEC and the fog?" "What?" said the girl. "Belgium," said Arthur. "Raaaaaarrrchchchchch!" screeched the pterodactyl. "Grrruuuuuurrrghhhh," agreed the seven-toed sloth. "They must be thinking of Ostend Hoverport," muttered Arthur. He turned back to the girl. "Have you ever been to Belgium in fact?" he asked brightly and she nearly hit him. "I think," she said, restraining herself, "that you should restrict that sort of remark to something artistic." "You sound as if I just said something unspeakable rude." "You did." In today's modern Galaxy there is of course very little still held to be unspeakable. Many words and expressions which only a matter of decades ago were considered so distastefully explicit that, were they merely to be breathed in public, the perpetrator would be shunned, barred from polite society, and in extreme cases shot through the lungs, are now thought to be very healthy and proper, and their use in everyday speech and writing is seen as evidence of a well-adjusted, relaxed and totally un****ed-up personality. So, for instance, when in a recent national speech the Financial Minister of the Royal World Estate of Quarlvista actually dared to say that due to one thing and another and the fact that no one had made any food for a while and the king seemed to have died and most of the population had been on holiday now for over three years, the economy was now in what he called "one whole joojooflop situation," everyone was so pleased that he felt able to come out and say it that they quite failed to note that their entire five-thousand-year-old civilization had just collapsed overnight. But even though words like "joojooflop," "swut," and "turlingdrome" are now perfectly acceptable in common usage there is one word that is still beyond the pale. The concept it embodies is so revolting that the publication or broadcast of the word is utterly forbidden in all parts of the Galaxy except for use in Serious Screenplays. There is also, or _was_, one planet where they didn't know what it meant, the stupid turlingdro- mes. "I see," said Arthur, who didn't, "so what do you get for using the name of a perfectly innocent if slightly dull European country gratuitously in a Serious Screenplay?" When the debate about editing/censorship started in this forum a few weeks ago, I felt inclined to interpret the changes in a generous mind - that they were really an improvement; that one fairly flat joke hinged upon a four-letter-word was replaced with a long and quite funny side-track. After comparing the exact wording, however, I must say that I find that "censorship" springs to mind again. The phrase: 'The Most Gratuitous Use Of The Word "Fuck" In A Serious Screenplay. It's very prestigious.' is clearly a strong slap in the face of the entire 'Oscar' award system. Note the capitalization throughout. The re-wording for the US edition with the changes in type-setting gets a totally different flavour: "The Most Gratuitous Use of the Word "Belgium" in a Serious Screenplay. It's very prestigious." Not only does this wording avoid the usage of the word "fuck" which, presumably, could have been offensive to some people, but it also introduces a great deal of confusion which takes the pressure away from the awarding system and instead makes us chuckle at Ostend Hoverport. The decisive evidence, however, comes when the word "unfucked-up" is written "un****ed-up". That is the dead give-away that the entire change is due to the fear of "moral judgement". Even in the BBC radio broadcasts, the narrator said "unfucked-up", clearly and explicitly (remember, though, that in the radio shows this passage came in an entirely different context). Taken together with the changing of "asshole" and "shit" into "kneebiter" and "swut", I find it clearly shown that we do indeed have what has been called "The Most Gratuitous Use of Censorship in a Popular Book". So, what can we do about it? Not a whole lot, I suspect. Except possibly try to spread the word about it and put pressure on the editors by letting them know we object to such changes. In a recent posting about Robert Heinlein, we were told that new editions of several older books were due with previously omitted passages re-instated (50 000 words in _SiaSL_???!!!) This is all very nice, but why were they cut out in the first place? I for one strongly object to this (or any) kind of censorship and I find it quite appalling that it goes on, even today! I'm off for three weeks of vacation now, so if there are any comments they had better be mailed to me - any postings will have been shifted out by our news software by the time I get back. Have a nice summer! /Torsten Torsten Dahlkvist ELLEMTEL Telecommunication Laboratories P.O. Box 1505, S-125 25 ALVSJO, SWEDEN Tel: +46 8 727 3788 From archive (archive) Subject: Re: Life, the Universe and Everything Keywords: Belgium, Fuck, Censorship, Trainspotting, LONG!!! From: kaufman@gmu90x.UUCP (Ken Kaufman) Organization: George Mason University, Fairfax, Va. Date: 1 Jul 89 02:06:42 GMT In article <2075@erix.ericsson.se> euatdt@euas11g.ericsson.se (Torsten Dahlkvist) writes: >Differences between the US and UK editions of Douglas Adams' "Life, the >Universe and Everything". ... >So, here follows a list of the differences I've found. I've used two paperback >editions - UK "Pan" from 1982 and US "Pocket" from 1983. >Differences in actual wording: ... Add in another one. In the UK, it sounds like a hundred thousand people are saying "wop." In the US, that becomes "whop," no doubt because the first form is most commonly used as derogatory ethnic slang. Ken Kaufman (kaufman@gmu90x.gmu.edu) From archive (archive) Subject: Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy From: SVISSAG@clemson.clemson.EDU (Steve L Vissage II) Date: 14 Aug 89 16:53:00 GMT I hate to beat a dog that's already dead, but... After the recent discussion of HGttG, the Belgium incident, and censorship, I found, in my county library's non-fiction department, a book called "The Original Hitchhiker Radio Transcripts". It has an introduction by Douglas Adams, and an introduction and several lengthy footnotes by Geoffrey Perkins, the producer, all of which indicate that these are, more or less, the original scripts presented on the Radio shows. (I say "more or less" because there are slight changes. For instance, these scripts include what was cut from Adams's originals for time constraints, etc.) I've read the whole thing, and there's no permanent party above whatever planet that was, and no award for the Most Gratuitous Use of the Word "Belgium", or any other word. However, the little speech about words such as joojooflop, swut and turlingdrome no longer being taboo, and there still being one word so vile it is only spoken on one backward planet where they don't know what it means, and by Zaphod Beeblebrox when he is in "sitituations of dire provocation", is in there. The word is Belgium, and Zaphod says "Belgium, man, Belgium!" immediately after this speech. He's in a situation of dire provocation, of course. If I may be allowed to speculate, it seems that when Adams wrote the party sequence for the British version of the books, he just put the first thing that came to his mind in the "Most Gratuitous Use of.." line, ie fuck. But when he rewrote it for the American printing, for whatever reason, he perhaps thought "This would be a perfect place for that Belgium speech!" In any event, as these scripts are presented as the originals, it seems that Belgium came first, but in a different place. I'm not sure this is particularly important, but the Belgium thing was bugging me. By the way, if any of you haven't read these transcripts, quite a bit of it is not included in the books, and some of it is really hilarious. Steve L Vissage II From archive (archive) Subject: Re: Dirk: Long Dark Tea Time of the Soul (what happened???) From: fitz@wang.com (Tom Fitzgerald) Organization: Wang Labs, Lowell MA, USA Date: 21 Feb 90 03:52:47 GMT bskendig@phoenix.Princeton.EDU (Brian Scott Kendig) writes: > LDTTotS (pardon my acronyms) was very thin and very ineffective, not > to mention insubstantial. (And did I mention thin? Plotwise, of > course.) Its plot was very silly and was never concluded in many > places. For example: the during the entire first half of the novel, > Dirk is preoccupied with finding the whereabouts of his former > secretary who is now the missing airline ticket clerk. During the entire first half? That's exaggerating it a little. He was much more concerned with finding out why his client had died in a locked room, what the mysterious envelope held, and how to get the homicidal eagle out of his living room. He only mentioned his secretary a couple of times that I remember. > Another instance: in Odin's hospital, the heroine WhatsHerFace > tells Thor and Odin that she knows exactly what they can go do with > their lives now, but she won't tell until Thor tells her how many > stones there are in wherever-it-is. "I told you I lost count!" he > roars -- the chapter ends, and we never learn the lady's idea... Yes you learn it, because she implemented it. The idea was that Odin would write his will leaving all his money to the Woodshead(?) hospital, and in return they would take care of him for the rest of his life. They frequently made deals with patients like this - this is mentioned earlier in the book. They didn't realize he was immortal, of course... > All things considered, the story looks like what I would have written > if I were sitting in a nice quiet room, working up a good ending, and > a little old lady were to poke her head in all of a sudden and scream > "Deadline's in two hours!" You must have missed 90% of the book. There are cross-references back and forth to all sorts of things: the jet fighter pilot (along with his wife, her lottery winnings, and Dirk's foretunetelling business), the grey-panelled truck, Valhalla superimposed on the St. Pancras railway station and hotel, the contract (the hot potato), Dirk's old refrigerator which was incubating a new god of guilt, the advertising account manager with the red glasses and the lawyer husband, and so on. The book was so tightly woven that I wanted a hypertext system to keep all the threads straight. I never figured out the reference to frogs though. "Frogs... I used to like... frogs". Where are there frogs in Norse mythology? > If some more intelligent character on this Net could kindly explain to > me what for cat's sake went on over those last forty pages or so, I'd > be most appreciative! Until then - I'm as confused as the rest of me. <<<<< Major Spoilers Follow >>>>> Believe me, everything makes sense (if you're as twisted as I am). Already in the book, Odin had stolen the power of all of the rest of the gods, and had sold it to the lawyer and ad-executive in exchange for their financing his stay at the Woodshead. The contract negotiating this deal specified that the contract-holder would have a "nice life" for a while, then would die. The lawyer and ad-exec had sold off the contract to a number of people, who used the gods' power to write hit songs and best-seller books, take over markets, etc. The contract was in Dirk's client's hands when it expired, and the guy (whose name I forget) was killed. Thor challenged Odin, claiming that the contract was a violation of Odin's responsibilities as chief god. He threw a major-league temper tantrum, regained his own power and broke through the barrier that Odin had placed across the North Sea. Then he went to Norway and found Odin's copy of the contract, which proved his charges, but didn't get back to Valhalla until the challenging hour was over. The lawyer and ad-exec claimed that their lives had been messed up by Dirk's client's death and by the challenge, so they claimed the contract was void and refused to let Odin back into the Woodshead. (My memory is especially fuzzy on this stretch). Dirk tried to negotiate with them, they tried to buy him out, and negotiations collapsed. When everyone got back to the real world, Odin was miserable because he couldn't go back to the hospital, so the writer arranged the deal with the will, and they took him back. Thor, with his powers back, undid all the damage that Odin's curse had done - he changed the kitten back to a table lamp, the coke machine back to Dirk's secretary, and the eagle back to the F-15, which immediately destroyed Dirk's house and killed the lawyer and ad- exec. The last bit is the vignette where Toe Rag and the demon, escaping from Thor's wrath at Valhalla, run across Dirk's old refrigerator. The fridge emits a powerful god of guilt (the incarnation of Dirk's guilt concerning the fridge and his cleaning lady), which eats Toe Rag and the demon. See makes perfect sense. Hmmmm. Maybe I'd better re-read the book. --- Tom Fitzgerald fitz@wang.com Wang Labs ...!uunet!wang!fitz Lowell MA, USA 1-508-967-5278