Subject: REVIEWS: COOL AS ICE (1996) vs. BARB WIRE 91996)

From: [email-masked] (Shane Henry)
Date: 17 May 1996 16:13:48 GMT

COOL AS ICE vs. BARB WIRE
                    A film review by Shane Henry
                     Copyright 1996 Shane Henry

          Movie Review comparing Cool As Ice against Barb Wire
		    By Banana-Kin, Z-Grade Movie Critic

Statistics:

        Cool As Ice                            Barb Wire
Stars:   Vanilla Ice                            Pamela Anderson Lee
        Michael Gross (Family Ties)            Pam's "Two Friends"

        1991				          1996

Review  (Cool As Ice was rented from Formum Video in Rolla) :

    Starring as "Johnny", (Starring being the operative word) Vanilla 
Ice demonstrates his (lack of) acting ability.  Mr. Ice roles into town 
as a member of a rap band when one of his band members motorcycles 
breaks down.  While the band waits on the repairs, Vanilla meets a high 
school girl.  Worlds collide as her 4.0 life meets resistance with 
Vanilla's strong, free, dashing style.  As the typical storyline would go 
(not too original, but for Mr. Ice it probabally is), her father (Michael 
Gross; Family Ties) forbids Kathy to see Johnny.  Her father associtates 
Johnny with some crooked cops that he informed on some twenty years 
eariler that are now out for revenge.  

    Vanilla Ice delicately mixes charm with rap music and motorcycles, 
and even finds a use for his musical abilities (puke).  Vanilla's entire 
acting career can be summed up in his most defining line:  You don't 
know me.  

You don't know me AT ALL.

    Star rating:  (0 stars-poor          *****-excellent)

                               */2    (One-Half Star)

Review (Barb Wire currrently playing at the Uptown theater in Rolla) :

    Pamela Lee (Pamela Anderson: Baywatch) sets acting back 2,000 
years as she "stars" as Barb Wire, a mercinary with a set of incredible 
upper kinetic energies (She is Gravitationally ImPAIRED Pardon the PUN).  
Set in the future of the "Second American Civil War", Ms. Wire carves out 
a meger existance as a bar owner in the last free city in America.  
Audiences, predominately male, will enjoy being able to hear Ms. Wire's
thought process as Pamela Lee narates partions of the movie.  The movie
centers around the new government as it crushes the resistance, and Ms. Wire
is the contact for both sides.  People are traced through Retinal Scans...
where the retina is scanned and recorded similar to fingerprinting. 
(Why not just use fingerprints?)  

    Romance meets with guns and grenades as Ms. Wire recounts her love 
with past freedom fighters and looks great in camoflauge.  

   This is definitely a T&A movie.  The only saving grace for this 
movie was that I saw it for free.  Laughs are frequent for the audience 
with a critical eye.  As unrealistic as her silicon breasts, the movie 
was complete waste of my time.  DEFINITELY do not see this with your 
wife, girlfriend or date.   

	Star Rating :  (0 stars-poor       *****-excellent)

                            */4         (one quarter star)
                           Hey, she is pretty hot!