

Bicentennial Man (1999)

Robin Williams, Sam Neill, Wendy Crewson, Embeth Davidtz, Oliver
Platt, Hallie Kate Eisenberg, Stephen Root, Lynne Thigpen, Bradley
Whitford, Kiersten Warren, John Michael Higgins, George
D. Wallace. Screenplay by Nicholas Kazan, based on the short story by
Isaac Asimov and the novel "The Positronic Man" by Asimov and Robert
Silverberg. Directed by Chris Columbus. 131 minutes

Rated PG, 1.5 stars (out of five stars)

Review by Ed Johnson-Ott, NUVO Newsweekly
www.nuvo-online.com 
Archive reviews at
http://us.imdb.com/ReviewsBy?Edward+Johnson-Ott 

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Following the release of "Patch Adams" last December and this month's
"Bicentennial Man," it appears that a new holiday tradition has been
established. Here's how it works. Each Christmas season, Robin
Williams unveils a new mawkish comedy/drama. Then, writers like me
race for our word processors, eager to warn filmgoers that the latest
manipulative drivel from the human Care Bear is just as wretched as
its predecessors. The tradition is completed when audiences ignore
writers like me and flock to their neighborhood theaters, helping the
movie make a gazillion dollars. God help us, everyone.

Last year, the gap between reviewers and the general public was so
wide that several articles appeared with titles like "Patch Adams: The
Critics vs. the Audience." Some argued that reviewers were too cynical
and hard-hearted to appreciate the magic of the film. Others stated
that general audiences were too easily taken in by Hollywood
schlock. My favorite article suggested that the medical comedy/drama
received horrible reviews because critics were secretly teaming with
HMOs to try and destroy personalized health care.

As in "Patch Adams," Robin Williams spends a lot of "Bicentennial Man"
trying to win the hearts of leery, emotionally constricted people. As
in "Patch Adams," death features prominently in the movie (nothing
says Christmas to me like a tender euthanasia scene). The big
difference this time is that the filmmakers attempts at emotional
manipulation are less offensive.  Where "Patch Adams" used young
chemotherapy patients, a rape victim and others as props for Williams'
shtick, "Bicentennial Man" requires the star himself to cook up his
own pathos.

That's not a problem for Robin Williams. In a screenplay based on a
couple of Isaac Asimov stories, he plays Andrew, a melancholy robot
longing to become human. Apparently, the folks behind this movie never
saw an episode of "Star Trek: The Next Generation," where Brent Spiner
routinely (and far more credibly) dealt with the same Pinocchio themes
as the android crew member, Data.

Following Andrew's purchase by a wealthy Bay Area family, Williams
spends the first hour of the movie in full robot drag, and the results
are not pretty. To accommodate his middle-age frame, the metallic suit
is awfully thick. While most of the suit is silver, portions are
copper-colored. From a distance, the copper looks like Caucasian
flesh, giving the suit an odd, peek-a-boo appearance. The tacked-on
facial features, particularly the eyebrows, resemble a cross between
Robin Williams and Mr. Potato Head.

Williams' performance during the first half of the film is as
constricted as his outfit. Proper and very deferential ("One wishes
only to serve"), he slowly develops a personality, to the delight of
owner, Sir (Sam Neill, who gives the film's most interesting
performance) and his daughter, Little Miss (Hallie Kate Eisenberg, the
girl who lip-syncs in soft drink commercials). Though other family
members are less entranced, Sir encourages Andrew to further his
personal growth, leading the robot to experiment with humor, which
allows Williams a chance to do some stand-up comedy bits.

The can-I-win-over-the-family first hour is dull and remarkably
inert. Despite periodic shots of futuristic cities and flying cars,
the home segments play merely like a bawdy "Seventh Heaven"
episode. When Andrew finally takes off to explore the world and search
for "others like myself," things only improve slightly. He eventually
meets quirky robotic expert Rupert Burns (Oliver Platt), who helps him
in a series of "upgrades." Once Williams finally looks like himself,
he goes into that sad, twinkly mode that drives writers like me
straight up the wall. Eventually, Andrew returns home to woo Little
Miss' granddaughter, Portia (Embeth Davidtz), leading to a sappy "what
does it mean to be human" final act.

If any of this sounds intriguing, trust me, it isn't. Director Chris
Columbus, the man responsible for "Stepmom," another horribly
manipulative touchy-feely movie, tries to make Andrew's quest seem
profound, but in Columbus' heavy hands, all the fuss and bother
remains maddeningly pedestrian. Rather than epic, the second half of
the film is simply dreary and depressing, with the comic moments
seeming contrived at best.

While not as awful as "Patch Adams," "Bicentennial Man" is a dour,
tepid affair masquerading as an inspirational comedy/drama. Of course,
as long as audiences continue to flock to this kind of pabulum,
Williams will continue to crank it out. Robin Williams is a talented
man in danger of becoming a habitual hack. But you can rescue him from
artistic ruin by refusing to shell out money for films like this. Save
Robin Williams! Together, we can stage a mass intervention and break
this nightmarish holiday tradition! Don't go to "Bicentennial Man!"

Oh, who am I kidding? This dog is going to make a fortune.

© 1999 Ed Johnson-Ott