Subject: Review: Mission to Mars

From: [email-masked] (W. Keith Work)
Date: 12 Mar 2000 19:12:37 GMT

Take every science fiction or NASA cliché and pack them all into a
movie about Gary Sinise staring longingly at films of his dead wife
and you'll have Mission to Mars. 

>From the opening scene, I knew something was dreadfully wrong. We
start at the going away party from The Right Stuff where astronauts
poke fun at each other's piloting skills just to prove how cool they
are. The NASA wives are there grousing around their barbecue. Cut to
the scene in Apollo 13 where daddy explains to his boy how far away
Mars is and how long it takes to get there. We're introduced to the
characters (just like it says in Script Writing for Dummies) - the
token black guy (Don Cheadle), the grizzled captain (Tim Robbins), the
grounded ace just dying to get back in the saddle (Gary Sinise), etc,
etc... You've seen them all before. And the intro wraps up with
Robbins giving a heartfelt "Godspeed." He actually says it. Then
Cheadle goes to Mars (which looks exactly like a Hollywood set -
perfect lighting and all) where the crew watches calmly while a
tornado looks around and sucks them in. Hallelujah the first act is
over. 

The second consists of a series of completely contrived and highly
improbable difficulties that serve no purpose whatsoever. On the
rescue trip, we encounter the floating blood from Star Trek as well as
that strange dramatic device known as 'jargon.' Incomprehensible
technical problems are put before the audience and we're told it's
highly risky and may not work! Then we're told it did and we should be
happy and feel closer to the characters as a result. We also get
treated to a 20 minute musical montage every time a character has a
bad thought. Sinise's wife is dead and he, traveling with a married
couple to further deepen his depression, insists on watching every
home movie of her that he owns. Where did they get the payload
capacity for all this ridiculous sentimentalism? After this we're
witness to one of those scenes that's so laughable it's almost worth
the price of admission - four astronauts free floating through space
on what is obviously a set piece while they all line up perfectly like
conga dancers for one of those 50's space movie stills. 

Finally, they arrive and spend hours dragging a pack through the sand
instead of finding their missing crew. Once he is found they
investigate the source of the tornado thing from earlier and rip off
2001 in an effort at more preachy sentimentalism. The alien actually
sheds a single tear! Then they finally add even more insult to the
injury they've put us through when Sinise has some hoaky religious
experience while his life flashes before his eyes. The final rip off
is from Close Encounters, but I'll spare you. 

God only knows how this film got made. And with big names too. Suffice
it to say that I saw this one so you don't have to. 

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