Subject: Review: Mission to Mars (2000)

From: Christopher Null <[email-masked]>
Date: 8 Mar 2000 07:19:39 GMT

MISSION TO MARS
                    A film review by Christopher Null
                      Copyright 2000 filmcritic.com
                             filmcritic.com

     MISSION TO MARS starts out with so much promise, it's hard to
believe it could be anything but successful.  The film has already taken
a lot of flack for appearing to be a ripoff of 2001: A SPACE ODYSSEY,
but maybe, I thought, it would transcend Kubrick's early sci-fi drama
and put a new spin on things.  Maybe blend it with a little ARMAGEDDON -
you know, do the space movie right for once.

     In 2020, the first manned mission to Mars is about to launch.
Under the command of Luke Graham (Don Cheadle), the craft lands without
a hitch, and within days they've made a startling discovery.  A little
radar probing turns up a strange metal just under the surface of Mars,
and a mysterious disaster quickly wipes out the crew.

     Enter Commander Woody Blake (Tim Robbins), his wife Terri (Connie
Nielsen), co-pilot Jim McConnell (Gary Sinise), and goofy scientist Phil
Ohlmyer (Jerry O'Connell), and it's rescue time: ARMAGEDDON, full
throttle.

     Uh-oh, problems on the rescue ship.  Now it's time for some APOLLO
13 action.  Tense drama ensues, which isn't half bad.  But things don't
turn out so hot, and just as quickly we're thrown into a space ROBINSON
CRUSOE.

     With a handful of survivors on the red planet, they figure they'll
do a bit of investigating since, you know, they're *there* and all.  In
a matter of hours, McConnell's got the secrets figured out and *wham!*
we're into CLOSE ENCOUNTERS OF THE THIRD KIND.  (Here's a hint straight
from the movie's dialogue: "They are us.  We are them."  Yes, I'm
serious.)

     Which takes us straight into CONTACT, and from there we degenerate
into every bad Disney movie ever made.  From the god-awful organ
soundtrack alone, you'll think you've landed dead smack in the middle of
THE LITTLE MERMAID.  But in space.

     If my rampant sarcasm hasn't clued you in yet, MISSION TO MARS is
so unredeemably bad it drew ribald laughter during its Seriously
Dramatic Moments and horrendous booing over the closing credits.  The
acting is so wooden it might as well have been performed by
marionettes.  The script is so awful I have trouble believing it was not
written by primates.

     The unintentional humor in MISSION TO MARS can certainly make for a
lively time at the movie theater, but it's hardly a reason to pay money
to watch this disaster on celluloid.  If Disney wanted to make this a
comedy, they should have taken this advice:  Try casting Mike Myers,
Eddie Murphy, Janeane Garofalo, and Jason Alexander as our space
heroes.  Now *that* would be a mission to Mars.

RATING:  * [LOWEST RATING]

|------------------------------|
 \ ***** Perfection             \
  \ **** Good, memorable film    \
   \ *** Average, hits and misses \
    \ ** Sub-par on many levels    \
     \ * Unquestionably awful       \
      |------------------------------|

MPAA Rating: PG

Director: Brian De Palma
Producer: Tom Jacobson
Writer: Jim Thomas, John Thomas, Graham Yost
Starring: Gary Sinise, Don Cheadle, Connie Nielsen, Jerry O'Connell, Kim
Delaney, Tim Robbins

http://www.missiontomars.com/

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Christopher Null - [email-masked] - http://www.filmcritic.com