Subject: Review: Red Planet (2000)

From: "Berge Garabedian" <[email-masked]>
Date: 2 Dec 2000 02:04:47 GMT

RED PLANET
RATING: 5.5/10 --> Not good enough to recommend

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The Mars jinx continues. First, Tim Burton fired off an empty shell with
MARS ATTACKS, a film that managed to have a little fun with itself via the
goofy-looking alien creatures, but very little else. Earlier this year, many
of us experienced the stillborn child that was MISSION TO MARS, another film
which also managed to give us one very cool special effect (the sandstorm,
people...not the CGI alien!), but no real meat in its "story" department.
And now six months later comes yet another sci-fi flick hoping to achieve at
least one level of competency above the former films, but alas, once again,
we are all left holding our ding-dongs. I guess it's up to director John
Carpenter to bust out for the last hoorah. Expect GHOST OF MARS in theatres
sometime next year.

PLOT:
This movie takes place in the year 2025. A crew of astronauts is stranded on
the planet Mars with little hope of survival. Their situation is endangered
further by the presence of a guerilla robot out for blood. Will their
orbiting captain be able to help them get off the planet alive? Does anybody
care? Let's find out.

CRITIQUE:
Blah. This movie felt a lot like a big-budget episode of TV's "Star Trek".
Zero tension, a few cheap thrills (including a side shot of Carrie-Anne Moss
exiting the showers, thank you very much), a tiny bit of action and a hardly
noticeable story. They should have just called it STRANDED, since that was
basically all that this movie was about. It just so happened to take place
on the planet Mars, but they may as well have been stranded anywhere else
with cavernous mountains and orange filters, cause this planet seemed to
have no relevance to the actual story. What story, you may ask? Hmmmm, not
sure. Other than the fact that these folks are deserted on this planet and
looking for a way out, the film had very little else to offer. And is it me,
or does the plot sound a lot like what is turning out to be the best sci-fi
flick of the year, the low-budgeted PITCH BLACK? Who knew?!

Fortunately for us, that film actually had a bad guy, a charismatic lead and
some nasty alien muthas. This movie has got a "robot" who is supposed to be
scary, running around making some buzzing noises, plenty of shots of crew
members switching and clicking buttons in the cockpit and some nasty bugs,
who looked almost as CGI as the pathetic "alien" at the end of MISSION TO
MARS. The actors were all decent, but a couple, like Tom Sizemore and
Terence Stamp, seemed to be there simply to cash a paycheck. Kilmer was
good, but I believe he already played that very same character in THE ISLAND
OF DR. MOREAU. But I suppose much of my disappointment with the film
could've been resolved if they had actually spent some time building an
interesting story or developing their characters, but neither aspect
materializes here. The film was actually never boring for me, but neither
was it ever exciting. And I'm not sure if this was just the theatre that I
was in but damn, how about lowering the decibel level on some of those
"crash" and "explosion" sequences? Jeez-Louise, my eardrums were about to
bust out! A renter maybe, but nothing worth seeing in the theatres. This
movie is yet another missed opportunity to build a great story around all of
the mystery and unknown elements surrounding the red planet. This film had
very little to do with Mars, even less to do with entertainment and
contained yet another disposable sci-fi "romance". I certainly wouldn't
qualify it as a horrible flick, watchable to be sure, but one which will
undoubtedly be forgotten by most as they walk out of the theater.

Review Date: November 10, 2000
Director: Antony Hoffman
Writers: Chuck Pfarrer and Jonathan Lemkin
Producers: Bruce Berman, Mark Canton and Jorge Saralegui
Actors: Val Kilmer as Gallagher
Tom Sizemore as Burchenal
Carrie-Anne Moss as Bowman
Genre: Science-Fiction
Year of Release: 2000
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(c) 2000 Berge Garabedian

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