Subject: Review: Sphere (1998)

From: Tim Voon <[email-masked]>
Date: 3 Apr 1998 06:06:53 GMT

SPHERE 1998
                      A film review by Timothy Voon
                       Copyright 1998 Timothy Voon
          3 :-( :-( :-(  for causing me to choke with disbelief

Cast: Dustin Hoffman, Sharon Stone, Samuel L. Jackson, Liev Schreiber,
Peter Coyote
Director: Barry Levinson
Screenplay: Stephen Hauser and Paul Attanasio based on the novel by
Michael Crichton

Don't you just hate the element of fake surprise, when actors get
together to make a movie about UFOs. This is how much of the movie goes:
"Oh My God, a UFO! (Not another one!) ... It's so big! (It's also very
phallic)... It's been here 300 years? (Only?)... I thought you said this
thing was made of titanium, well look I've just scratched it! (Watch
that nail strengthener!) ... I can't see my reflection in the SPHERE!
(Get a mirror!) ... I have to get inside it! (Why? It's a big, golden
ball!).... Look at these pretty Jelly fish (They sting!) ... I see
footprints and a bin labelled 'Trash'! (Environmentally correct) ... And
now a flight log... Written in English! WOW! I bet it was made in America
(Ya don't say!)... I like to read TWENTY THOUSAND LEAGUES UNDER THE SEA

Why am I getting these nightmares? (You read too much.) Where did the
giant squids come from? (Go figure?_ What is the problem here? (I think
you are.)

This movie begins with a group of scientists investigating a UFO buried
on the ocean floor. Like the awful EVENT HORIZON, weird and mysterious
phenomena occur on the science base resulting in the deaths of team
members trapped there by violent storms raging above them. This in ways
is reminiscent of THE ABYSS, a movie far superior in quality and make.
SPHERE unfortunately lacks the same intensity of suspense or tension
generated by the aforementioned. However, it does come perilously close
to being as ridiculous as EVENT HORIZON. Fortunately, it isn't as
distasteful or make claims to having gone to hell and back, although the
usual mumbo jumbo about Black Holes is used to give the viewer some lame
excuse for the ship's presence.

There is nothing worse than a poor ending to a movie and this movie does
not have a satisfactory conclusion. It leaves the audience annoyed at
the need to suspense disbelief, in order to accept what this movie wants
them to swallow. I almost choked when it was suggested that the solution
to the nightmare was holding hands, counting to three and forgetting
anything bad ever happened. God, if only it was so easy to forget, the
world would be a better place! There is a place for reality and a place
for fantasy, and only so much a person will believe just because you
said so. Sorry Michael, but even the dinosaurs are easier to swallow
than this big golden ball. Like the awful EVENT HORIZON this movie is
best viewed in the vacuum of a black hole. As for the cast, Dustin
Hoffman, Sharon Stone, Samuel L. Jackson - all very unexciting.

Timothy Voon
e-mail: [email-masked]
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