Subject: REVIEW: TANK GIRL

From: [email-masked] (Wayne Throop)
Date: Tue, 11 Apr 1995 13:49:22 GMT

TANK GIRL
		       A film review by Wayne Throop
			Copyright 1995 Wayne Throop

     Well ... Okay ... not to be too coy about it .... IT SUCKED,
BAAAAAAAD!

     Worse than COOL WORLD.  Most positive comment heard upon leaving
the theater: "Wow, that movie was ... awfully long, wasn't it?"

     Intercuts to the comic book versions of scenes are erratic and
badly edited, and scenes that should be light and whimsical are
simply ... limp and motiveless as portrayed.  There's a long (giving
new meaning to the word "interminable") scene in a brothel with Tank
Girl doing a song and dance number that's just bone-grindingly bad,
and overdone.

     Not to mention several serious problems, such as Tank Girl's
incompetence at guard duty and carelessness in the above mentioned
brothel scene leads directly to the death of her entire circle of
acquaintances (except for a juvie, no doubt protected only by the
we-can't-kill-kids-or-dogs-now-can-we law of film).  I mean, she's so
blatantly at fault, when she gets into trouble later, you start to snap
"yeah, what did you THINK would happen you STUPID BI ..." ahem, uh, I
mean "you stupid Tank Girl you."

     The actors simply can't replicate the rubber-faced exaggerated
expressions that gave the comic it's appeal (perhaps Jim (the mask)
Carrey could have, but not *these* poor excuses for store-front
mannequins).

     And above all, Tank Girl is supposed to be a *GIRL*, that is,
young and wild and energetic and all that.  In her near-Morticia-like
makeup, this Tank Girl avatar comes across like a 35-year-old trying to
mix in with her 15-year-old daughter's friends, and doing an
embarrassingly bad job of it.  Picture something like late-career
Marlene Deitrich trying to play Kelly Bundy.  Not quite that bad,
perhaps.  Perhaps.

     Plus the script-writing, comic timing, direction, and editing were
all ...  well, execrably bad is the kindest thing I can think of to say
about 'em.  The jokes all fell horrifyingly flat.  You remember
watching Hudson Hawk?  If you're like me, you were thinking, hey, this
is moderately clever, but why are all the jokes told with the timing
and delivery so far off?  Sort of "oh, haha, that would have been funny
if delivered with a bit of panache," right?  Well, Tank Girl's comic
timing made HH look like a Marx Brothers movie.  Oh, *man* was it bad.

     I can see the appeal of the comic, even from the poorly-intercut
stuff in the movie.  Sort of.  But the "live" version ain't at all
lively.

--
Wayne Throop   [email-masked]
               [email-masked]