Subject: Review: Time Machine, The (2002)

From: Aleksandar Zambelli <[email-masked]>
Date: Wed, 13 Mar 2002 18:47:09 -0000

Movie Review:
"The Time Machine"
Copyright (c) 2001 Aleksandar Zambelli
Originally published in The Crimson, a Florida Tech student publication.

Directed by Simon Wells
Starring Guy Pierce, Samantha Mumba, Orlando Jones
Genre: Sci-Fi / Adventure

The most interesting thing about the new "Time Machine" movie is that it
was directed by Simon Wells, the great-grandson of H.G. Wells, the author
of the 1895 novel of the same name. Come to think of it, that is in fact
the only interesting thing about "The Time Machine," perhaps even more
interesting than the movie itself.

In the 2002 adaptation of the classic Victorian sci-fi adventure novel, the
story has been moved to New York (you remember Victorian New York, don't
you?) where Alexander Hartdegen (Guy Pierce - "Memento," "Count of Monte
Cristo") is a young associate professor at a local university and a mad
scientist in his free time. While he's not working on some revolutionary
physics theory or corresponding with Einstein, Alexander spends time with
his soon-to-be-fiancé Emma (Sienna Guillory). On the night that he is to
propose to her, Emma is shot and killed by a clumsy mugger. Ridden with
memory of his beloved Emma, Alexander becomes obsessed with the idea of
time travel. Little do you know, 4 years later he constructs an actual time
machine made of brass, glass, levers and pulleys. After an unsuccessful
attempt to save Emma, he is accidentally transported 800,000 years into the
future where civilization has once again been reduced to a primitive level.
Eloi, the sun-tanned friendly tribal people of the surface, are being
terrorized by Morlocks, the pig-faced nasty cannibals of the underground.
When Morlocks kidnap Mara (Samantha Mumba), a particularly attractive Eloi
woman who has a thing for 19th century time travelers, Alexander decides to
go after the Morlocks and save her.

The buzz is that Simon Wells ("The Prince of Egypt") got sick during the
last weeks of shooting "The Time Machine" and was reported suffering from
"extreme exhaustion." The studio had to hire another director, Gore
Verbinski ("The Mexican," "Mouse Hunt") to finish the last 18 days of
shooting. After watching "The Time Machine," one can hardly blame Simon
Wells for getting sick. It was probably caused by his decision to read the
script.

Oh, where do I even start? This script behind this movie is easily one of
the worst screenplays seen in recent years. It seems like the whole thing
is made out entirely of plot holes, anachronisms and factual errors. The
logic behind it makes "Back To the Future" look like a Ph.D. thesis. For a
start, the time machine is able to travel not only through time but also
through space, for it always lands on the same spot on the surface of the
Earth, regardless of the landscape around it changing dramatically.
Alexander Hartdegen never bothers to hide the machine or secure it, and yet
he always manages to find it intact. The Eloi, although living 800,000 in
the future, speak perfect English although its not their primary language
and they learned it only from reading stone inscriptions (such as "Tiffany
& Co."). Their grammar, syntax and pronunciation are flawless, although
they never actually heard another human being speak English. That's truly
amazing, considering the fact that the people at the nearby Chinese
restaurant can barely take an order in English. The Eloi have also adopted
21st century customs, such as wearing pajamas at night. They suffer no
cultural shock after meeting a man who is obviously better educated and at
a higher technological level. A hologram projection (played by Orlando
Jones) survives 800,000 of change and destruction on an unknown power
source. Is it powered by Duracell or Energizer; I'd like to know. Why are
the Eloi people beautiful, while the Morlocks have turned into scary
beasts? Roger Ebert suggested in his review that "they are obviously the
result of 800,000 years of ugly brides." The ending of the movie is
especially terrible and lacks all reason, for the hero and his comrades
escape sure death in a particularly inexplicable fashion.

It's difficult to say what exactly went wrong with this screenplay.
Considering that it was written by John Logan whose earlier works include
respectable screenplays for "Gladiator" and "Any Given Sunday," it is only
safe to conclude that he was trippin' on acid when he wrote this one. The
acting talents of Guy Pierce and Jeremy Irons are completely wasted in this
sci-fi disaster. While many have given up hope for Irons after his debacle
in "Dungeons & Dragons," this will surely be the first big blemish on
Pierce's previously clean record ("Memento," "L.A. Confidential,"
"Ravenous"). Simon Wells does a satisfactory job with directing this piece,
although he loses momentum in the last 30 minutes of the film (perhaps
those were the 18 days he missed). It can be argued that he is not the one
to blame, but being the great-grandson of H.G. Wells the last thing he
could've done was read the script before embarking on this project.

Believe me, if you go see "The Time Machine" in the theaters, the only time
travel of any interest to you will be traveling 90 minutes into the future
to the end of this horrible film. 

Score: 3/10

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