Subject: REVIEW: WATERWORLD

From: [email-masked] (J. D. Silvester)
Date: Thu, 3 Aug 1995 15:40:55 GMT

WATERWORLD
		       A film review by J. D. Silvester
			Copyright 1995 J. D. Silvester

     Having read the previous reviews of WATERWORLD that have been
posted in this newsgroup, I decided to check out the movie for myself.
I would like to start by saying that I did not go to the theatre
expecting to walk away with an answer to the meaning of life and as
such was not as disappointed with the film as other critics have been.
If you are the type of person that expects a movie to provide you with
all the answers to your personal problems, or you expect to walk away
having experienced a "revelation," than save your 8 bucks for another
movie!  If, however, you are like me and you go to be entertained, then
by all means go see WATERWORLD.

     WATERWORLD is a "popcorn" movie.  What do I mean by a "popcorn"
movie?  Hmmm ... the easiest explanation would be for you to watch the
movie BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER.  That is a "popcorn" movie!
Personally, I go to the theatre for a mind numbing, wholly entertaining
experience.  I like seeing great action, large explosions, and stunts
that make annal retentive boobs go, "Oh man, that's so fake!"  Of
course it's fake butt-head, it's a damn movie!

     However, for me, WATERWORLD was even more of an experience than I
expected.  Mostly due to the group of six juveniles seated in the row
directly behind me.  Thanks to this group of four girls and two boys, I
got to learn who wanted to give whom a blowjob, how much alcohol they
had consumed the night before, who was dating whom, whose sister had
grown up more since they last saw one another, who could produce the
loudest belch (to my amazement, a girl won that one, and yes, it was the
girl seated directly behind me!), and I had the latest rock and roll
release pounded out on the back of my chair by someone's feet. It also
amazed me how many stupid questions this group could produce ranging
from one girl asking what gills are (I am really unsure of what our
youth are being taught in school today), to another girl constantly
complaining about how boring the movie was then asking what was
happening on the screen and why.  Mostly because she couldn't hear the
dialogue due to her own mouth constantly flapping!

     Theatrical antics aside, WATERWORLD is enjoyable on a purely
physical level.  Large explosions, good stunts (many of which were
performed by Costner himself), and of course Dennis Hopper, one of my
favorite screen stars.  A movie with Dennis Hopper, no matter how
poorly done, always deserves some credit for his appearance in it.  I
found the name printed on the stern of the oil tanker, deservingly
funny, though I almost missed it due to the peanut gallery behind me.
It was at this point, one of the larger girls started beating on one of
the boys.

     If you get a chance to see WATERWORLD, I would suggest though that
you sit at the very back of the theatre so that you don't wind up with
your very own personal group of hooligans!  Though, in my case it made
for some interesting entertainment during the previews, most of which I
had already seen.

     Personally I give WATERWORLD ***1/2 (out of five).  It loses a
little, because for me there were a few dry spots between the action
stunts.  I give the girl's belch and 8 out of 10, her delivery was
good, but she couldn't maintain it long enough to earn those extra
couple of points.

Next time - THE NET, with Sandra Bullock.