Subject: REVIEW: WATERWORLD

From: [email-masked] (Christopher Null)
Date: Fri, 28 Jul 1995 14:23:48 GMT

WATERWORLD
		      A film review by Christopher Null
		       Copyright 1995 Christopher Null

     In the future, the polar ice caps have melted, the world is
covered by water, and everyone is left to fend for themselves as
scavengers in a grim reality.  This is WATERWORLD, and you'll be glad
to know: even in this harsh realm, the women still shave their legs.

     The most expensive movie ever made (the final word is $172
million), WATERWORLD will be a true monument in Kevin Costner's
career.  Unfortunately, this film isn't going to have quite the effect
something like DANCES WITH WOLVES had.  The bottom line is WATERWORLD
is a marginal film: always extravagant, sometimes entertaining, often
preachy and dull--a pure formula picture.

     The story is time-tested and painfully simple.  Costner plays The
Mariner, a lone drifter on the watery surface of the earth who talks
about his boat more than Forrest Gump.  Jeanne Tripplehorn (THE FIRM)
plays Helen, the love interest and the protector of Enola (Tina
Majorino), a child with a strange tattoo which just may show the way to
the mythical paradise of Dryland.  The obligatory bad guy is The Deacon
(Dennis Hopper), a slave driver/preacher with heavy artillery that acts
a lot like, well, Dennis Hopper.  I won't be the only one to say, "It's
MAD MAX on water."

     Of course, The Deacon wants the kid.  The Mariner wants to protect
her and falls in love with Helen.  So for 134 minutes, The Deacon
chases the trio, turning up over and over and over, always out of
nowhere (ever try to hide on the ocean?), and always being thwarted by
The Mariner.  Basically, it's Costner trying to be a superhero,
swinging around on a *lot* of ropes and blowing up everything else.

     This gets pretty old after awhile, especially since Costner looks
more concerned with what's for dinner than what's on the screen.  The
other problems are innumerable:  it's hard to figure out where the
story is headed, the bad guys act like members of a bumbling Keystone
Coast Guard, and a number of effects are obvious digital fakes.  There
are a few bright spots, but it ends up being a passable story with
lackluster execution.

     All the hype surrounding this film has really spoiled what there
was to enjoy.  If you see it, you'll probably be trying to figure out
where all that money went, too (I only counted about $100 million).
It's too bad; you'll need that brainpower just to figure out what's
going on.

RATING:  **1/2

+-------------------------------+     
|*     Unquestionably awful     |     
|**    Sub-par on many levels   |     
|***   Average, hits and misses |     
|****  Good, memorable film     |     
|***** Perfection               |     
+-------------------------------+