RED DWARF VIII EPISODE ONE 'BACK IN THE RED' Part One Transcribed by Den Cage (DC@rdw.org) 1. Int. SFX. Shot of The Tank Control Tower. 2. Int. Rimmer and Lister's Cell. Lister is lying on the top bunk reading a magazine, 'Starstruck', while Rimmer is lying on the bottom bunk reading a book. Lister: Remember Argyle Somerfield the old movie star? 83 according to this, and he's just had a baby with his nurse! 'It was love at first sight' she cooed, 'I've always liked older men.' God, if she ever ran into Tutankamun he wouldn't stand a chance! She'd have his bandages off before you could say 'Silicon Implants'! There's a picture of him here with the newborn [leans down to show Rimmer, who is disinterested and continues to read his book without even looking]. There's Argyle, and there's the baby. No, no, no, THERE'S Argyle, and THERE'S the baby! I was thrown for a minute by the bib and the bonnet. I thought that was the baby at first! Rimmer gets up and walks over to the table where he sits down and continues to read. Lister: An 83 year old Dad! How's that gonna work? I bet he's not gonna get up in the middle of the night to give the baby his feed! He'll probably pretend to be dead! 'Darling, can you give the bay his bottle tonight?' [Plays dead]. Lister jumps down from his bunk and joins Rimmer at the table. Throughout the following Rimmer remains completely disinterested in what Lister is saying. Lister: It's not gonna work, is it? The only advantage as far as I can see, is that the wife can change both their nappies at the same time! You still not talking to me? It's unbelievably childish, y'know. I've a good mind to fill your shoes with runny porridge again. That'll teach you a good lesson about maturity. I'll tell you what. I bet I can make you say something in the next minute. Twenty big ones! Shake on it. [Holds out his hand to shake Rimmer's hand but Rimmer merely moves Lister's hand out of the way of his book]. OK, if I'm on, say nothing.... I'm ON! OK, I'm gonna say something, alright... and you're gonna totally lose it! Are you ready? You ready? A few years ago, when money was not abundant, and I needed, I mean medically needed a pint, I stole some money from your purse. [Imitates opening Rimmer's purse with a creaking sound]. Oh God, it was horrible going in there! The wallet that time forgot! Not that there was any point: the barman on B-Deck wouldn't serve me. He said that the blues weren't legal tender any more! You should've handed them in after the Spanish Armada! I thought that'd get you going! Making fun of your stinginess! Usually makes you so angry that you go and make a pot of tea with a NEW tea bag! Well, still, plenty of time to go! Hmmmmm.... Remember Yvonne McGruder? You really liked her didn't you! Throughout the following Rimmer shows increasing signs that he's about to blow... Lister: I used to go out with her, y'know, before you did. Didn't know that, did'ya? We broke up in the end. It really hurt me. I've still got the scars to prove it. They never heal, carpet burns, do they? Both cheeks man! She nearly wore then down to the bone! [Makes squeaking noises while moving back and forward in his chair]. Rimmer (cracking): WILL YOU SHUT UP! Lister: What did I tell ya? 20 big ones! Rimmer: I've been listening to you whittling on now for what sees like two ice ages! My mind is so numb and braindead I feel like I've just attended a three day seminar entitled The Future of Plumbing! Have you any idea how irritating you've just been? You're a master! There are things you could teach to tropical skin diseases! Lister: Talk to me then. Rimmer: No. Lister: I'm sorry, OK. How many time do you want me to say? I am sorry! Rimmer: No you're not! Lister: It was an accident! Rimmer: An accident? You poured a whole tube of it over me you disgusting, fetid, rotten piece of congealed monkey vomit! Lister: At last you're talking to me! I knew we'd make it up... [Goes back to reading his magazine] Eighty-three! CAPTION: TWO DAYS EARLIER 3. Ext. SFX. Starbug approaching Red Dwarf. 4. Int. Reaction shot: Cat [from 'Nanarchy']. 5. SFX. Starbug boards a hugely oversized Red Dwarf. VO: Cat: This thing's even bigger than I remember... Er, guys, I think we've got a problem! 6. Int. SFX. Continuous action from the end of 'Nanarchy': Starbug flying through a corridor, the walls shrinking around it. 7. Int. Starbug Cockpit. Cat is piloting, Kochanski and Kryten are at their consoles. Lister enters. Lister: Hey guys, look at my body [His body is back to normal following his encounter with the nanobots] Cat: Now there's an invitation that WILL NOT cause a stampede! Lister: It's back to normal! Kryten: No time for that now, sir. We're flying down a corridor on Red Dwarf and Starbug appears to be expanding. 8. Int. SFX. Starbug flying down the shrinking corridor. 9. Int. Starbug Cockpit. Continuous action. Kochanski: It's not Red Dwarf that's expanding, it's Starbug that's shrinking! Lister: It must be something to do with the nanobotic molecular process, just like my body! 10. Int. SFX. Starbug is sucked into a vent. 11. Int. Starbug Cockpit. Cat: We're being sucked into a vent! 12. Int. SFX. Starbug passes through the vent into a duct, the walls are contracting. 13. Int. Starbug Cockpit. Kochanski: Air vent walls closing in! Kryten: We must take action. Be bold, positive, decisive. Suggest we move up from blue alert to red alert, sir. Cat: Forget red, let's go all the way up to brown alert! Kryten: There's no such thing as brown alert, sir. Cat: You won't be saying that in a minute! And don't say I didn't alert you! Holly (materializing on a panel): Alright dudes? Anyone fancy a game of charades using just your nose, or is this a bad time? Lister: Holly, we're about to get crushed to death! Holly: So that's a no then? Kryten: Once the nanos rebuilt the ship I thought things would get back to normal. Kochanski: We haven't a clue where we are, what to do, and haven't a clue what's happening. Things ARE back to normal! Holly: You don't even fancy a bit of a quick one?... Science fiction film, name of a ship, one word [hums through his nose: tune from Aliens - while bobbing his head]... The Nostril-omo!!! Spent a week thinking that one up! Good, innit?! Kryten: Computing time to impact. Calculation coming through. Here they come! Lister: How long have we got? Kryten: About the time it takes to read a Stop sign, sir. Cat: That's OK then! I don't always get through those in one sitting. Kochanski: What are our chances of getting out of here? Kryten: About the same odds as discovering Mr Lister saddle-stitching the hem of a pair of lemon maternity slacks. Lister: I must admit, it's been a while since I did that! Can't we get this crate to go faster? It's gonna be like getting crushed to death by a gigantic trouser press! Cat: Freshly laundered and wrinkle-free! I always prayed I'd go out like that! Kochanski: There may be a way out of this if we take a detour. Past epsalon fourteen and take a right at the hydro-unit, we'll save about two minutes. Kryten: What do you say sir? I don't understand a woman who's hurtling towards 30 and still has a teddy bear called Boo Boo, but when it comes to navigation there's none finer! Lister [leaning over the console]: What's your view, Hol? Holly: Straight up your nose when you lean in like that. Lister: Epsalon 14. 14. Int. SFX. Starbug continues down another vent. 15. Int. Starbug Cockpit. Kryten: There's some sort of heartbeat up ahead, and it's beating at an incredible rate! Cat: You mean there's a heart out there with no body? No wonder it's beating so fast! 16. Int. SFX. From Starbug's POV we see an enormous rat up ahead in the duct. Starbug dodges it. 17. Int. Starbug Cockpit. Reaction shot: The crew are relieved. Cat is chuffed with his piloting skills. 18. Int. SFX. There's another rat, this time with his back to us. Cut to shot of rat from front as it is lodged into the air at a great speed! 19. Int. Starbug Cockpit. Reaction shot: Disgusted! 20. Int. SFX. The rat is propelled by the Starbug we see protruding from it's backside. 21. Int. Starbug Cockpit. Holly: I hope we don't get stopped by the cops. They don't like it when you're rat-arsed! Cat and Lister wrestle with their consoles, and: 22. Int. SFX. The rat is propelled off of Starbug's front section and crashes into a wall. Starbug continues along the shrinking ducts, crashing through a vent wall. The corridor becomes too narrow and the rear bubble of Starbug is ripped off. Then the middle section is ripped off, leaving just the front section. All this is interspersed with quick-edit reaction shots of the crew. 23. Int. Starbug Cockpit. Cat: According to the navi-comp we've lost all the engines. Didn't I read somewhere that can seriously affect your ability to fly? Kryten: Now we've lost the mid-section and the kitchen. I'm sorry everyone, but we may have to have sandwiches for lunch! 24. Int. SFX. The front section of Starbug finally crashes into a wall. Red Dwarf seems to have resumed more or less normal size. 25. Int. Live action/SFX. Cargo bay. We see our heroes jumping out of Starbug and running across the bay. Behind them, what's left of Starbug explodes and they are thrown to the ground. The explosion dies down and we see Cat, Lister, Kryten and Kochanski lying face down on the floor. We hear footsteps and see shadows of people cast over our heroes. They look up. We see their POV: Three figures in yellow macs and gas masks. The two at the front remove their masks. They are Lister's old mates, Chen and Selby. Lister is astonished, the other three are bewildered. Selby: Dave? Lister: Selby! Chen! Is it really you? Chen: Is it really us? Hold on, I'll check... Yeah, I think it's us. Lister: Guys! This is brilliant! I can't believe it! Kryten: You know these people, sir? Lister: Know them? When I've been drunk and unconscious I've taken their clothes off ad painted parts of them green! Course I know them! This is the Red Dwarf crew, Krytie! Cat: How? Kochanski: The nanos must have resurrected them along with the rest of the ship! Lister: This is Chen. He works in the kitchen and he's always drunk. And this is Selby. He's always drunk too! Where's Petersen? Chen: Couldn't make it. He's drunk! Kryten: The crew are all alive sir. This is great news. Wonderful, marvellous, incredible news! All that extra ironing! Bliss! Just then, Lister is pushed forward and behind him stands Captain Hollister. Hollister: Mr Thornton, read them their rights! A man, MP Thornton, steps forward and talks to Lister. Thornton: David Lister, you are formally charged with stealing and crashing a Starbug. You are also charged of having no pilot's license, and smuggling two stowaways on board along with Navigation Officer Kochanski. Anything you say now, or do not say, may be used in a board of inquiry against you. Do you require any form of aid? Lister: Yeah. Lemonade in a really large Scotch. 26. Int. A Corridor on Red Dwarf. Thornton, armed with a bazookoid marches Lister along. They are followed by two armed guards. Thornton is screaming at him. Thornton: Left, right, left, right, left, right... Lister: Relax! You'll burst a blood vessel! Thornton: Shut up, you maggot! Do you understand? DO YOU UNDERSTAND?!! Lister: Yes. Thornton: Yes what? Lister: Yes, Mr Shouty?! Thornton: YES, SIR! 27. Int. Lister and Rimmer Sleeping Quarters. Thornton marches Lister in. Before they even enter we hear Thornton's shouting. Thornton: Left, right, left, right, left, right... HALT! [They are now in the room] Left arm! [Lister holds up his left arm and Thornton attaches a device to his wrist which will prevent him from leaving the room]. At ease. Thornton leaves, laughing to himself. Lister loads Holly from his watch onto the screen. Holly: Alright, dude? Lister: They don't know about you yet, Hol. Best keep it that way. I need some info. If the board of inquiry find me guilty tomorrow, what happens then? Holly: Well, they'll probably have a pot of tea, a bit of a chat, then go home, I suppose. Lister: What happens to us, you divvy, not them! Holly: Well if you lose, you'll probably get a couple of years in the Brig. Lister: What Brig? Holly: The Brig on floor 13. Lister: There isn't a floor 13. Holly: Yeah, there is. It was classified. A need-to-know only basis. Lister: So who knew about it? Holly: Well, all the Officers, and anyone who's ever seen The Twilight Zone. Lister: What's it like, this Brig? Holly: If I was an estate agent I'd probably describe it as an old-style penal establishment, abundant wildlife, 200 bedrooms, all with en-suite buckets! Lister: Smeggin' Hell! Holly: They call it The Tank. There was an inmate population of 400, all being transported to Adelphi XII. Presumably, they've all been resurrected too. Lister: So what are they like? No, don't tell me, I already know. They're all deranged, hairy, no-lobers, breath like old nappies, arms like toilet walls, scum of the universe. They're all like that, aren't they? Holly: The nice ones are, yeah. Hang on. I've got one of them on file somewhere. Here we go... Holly's image is replaced on-screen by that of a scary man with luminous green mohican hair, all-over tattoos and more piercings than a pin cushion. His flesh is barely visible beneath the silver rings... Scary man: I'm Nigel. I'm NICE! Holly returns to the screen. Holly: See what I mean. They're not all head bangers. Nige is lovely. Though he does tend to get a bit narky if you get too close to him with a magnet. Lister: Thanks very much, Hol. You're really cheering me up. [Shuts down Holly]. The Brig. Rimmer, nanobotically resurrected, appears in the doorway. He stands there listening for a moment. Lister: Two years. Two years without curry and lager. Two years without sex. Rimmer (leaning forward over his shoulder): You hope! Lister: Rimmer! Rimmer: Word's out they're gonna throw the book at you Listy, followed by the bookcase, and then the library. Brick by brick. Lister: Oh God, it's you like you used to be. Urgh! Rimmer: What got into you? You can't fly a Starbug, m'laddo. You're a technician, a zero, a nobody. Lister: Look, this is gonna sound nuts, but the whole crew died, including you. And you've all been resurrected by these microscopic little robots. Rimmer: I died? Lister: Yeah. Rimmer: The whole crew died? Lister: Yeah. Rimmer: And you're gonna spend the next two years in The Tank with a load of Neanderthals with badly spelt tattoos? So where are we, is this my Heaven? Lister: Look, a radiation leak wiped everybody out; I survived because I was in stasis. Then these nanos arrived, rebuilt the ship and resurrected the crew. Rimmer: So where are they? Lister: Scarpered. Maybe I should take the fifth... Rimmer: If I were you I'd take the sixth, seventh and eighth too. Lister: We've gotta track down these nanos to corroborate our story... Otherwise who's gonna believe our defense? Only Metz drinkers and the corn circle society. I need your help, man. Rimmer: Me? Lister: Who else is gonna help me? I'm confined to quarters. The minute I walk out that door, I get enough watts up my jacksie to light up the whole of Bootle. Rimmer: Well, considering what the next two years has in store for your jacksie, a couple of zillion volts ought to be Easy Street. 28. Int. A Corridor. Kryten and Kochanski are walking along, followed by two armed guards. Kochanski: Why have the nanobots done this? Put us in this situation... Kryten: Well in the past they've only ever done things that have ultimately benefited us. We should take comfort in that. Kochanski: Like what? Kryten (taking notes in a notebook): Like when they first stole Red Dwarf and took us on a merry goose-chase around the galaxy. They led us to Legion, where Mr Rimmer acquired a hard-light body. Kochanski: Benefit. Kryten: Hmm, and then they took us back to Red Dwarf and rebooted Holly. Kochanski: Benefit. And after that they led you to the temporal rip where you met me! Kryten stops, sighs, and throws his notebook away. Kochanski gives him a dirty look. 29. Int. Another Corridor. A woman in a lab-coat is standing outside a door marked 'CAPTAIN'S RESTROOM'. She is Dr Newton. We hear a toilet flush; the door opens and Hollister steps out backwards, spraying copious amounts from an air freshener spray on his way. He turns and is startled to see Newton watching him. Newton: What's this rumour that we're three million light years into space, and Red Dwarf's changed shape? Hollister: That is classified information, Karen. Who the Hell told you that? Newton: The Coffee machine on G-Deck. Hollister: Damn Coffee machine! I'm gonna bust his ass down to Tampon dispenser... Newton: Is it true? Hollister: Until we get Holly back up we can't verify it. Starbug took out one of his CPU banks in the crash and we're having trouble rebooting. Newton: The Coffee machine said the ship's now identical to it's original design plans, before the JMC made all its cut-backs. Hollister: We now have a Quark-level matter/anti-matter generator, ship-wide bio-organic computer networking, and a karaoke bar on C-Deck. Newton: But how? And how did we wind up in Deep Space? Hollister: Nobody knows. They step into an elevator. 30. Int. SFX. Elevator shoots down the lift shaft. 31. Int. Medi-Bay. We see some impressive graphics on the medi-scan. Newton and Hollister are standing next to Cat, who is lying in a bed. Newton: We don't believe this one's human. Take a look at this. She lifts up Cat's blanket. Hollister is shocked. Hollister: Has he got the measles? Newton: Those are his nipples, Frank. Hollister: Six nipples? I wonder what the female of the species is like! Cat: Pretty easy to please in bed! Especially if you play the piano. Newton: His internal organs are different too. Hollister: In what way? Newton: His Kidney, Liver, Appendix, are all colour-coordinated. And even weirder, his stomach wall appears to be decorated. Hollister: His intestines look better than my quarters. Newton: His heartbeat's weird too. Instead of the normal heartbeat, his sounds... Cooler! Cat: You think I'm gonna have the dorky human heartbeat? [Impersonates heartbeat: d-dum, d-dum] Where's the tune in that? Hollister: Let me hear it. Newton punches some buttons and we hear Cat's heartbeat. It's a rather cool drumbeat. Newton: Also his pulse is a different rhythm. She punches some more buttons and the drumbeat is accompanied with a percussion-like pulse. The overall effect is a kind of samba-type thing. Hollister is impressed and starts to dance. Hollister: That's good! Can you slam that down on a tape for me? 32. Int. A waiting room near to the Captain's Office. Rimmer and Lister are talking. Guards cover the door. Lister: Rimmer, I'm begging you man, help me escape. I've got to track down these nanobots. Rimmer: I'm not risking my career and standing for you, Listy. I'm going places. Lister: Up the ziggurat lickety-split. Rimmer: Up the ziggurat lickety-split, precisely. I'm gonna pass the engineering exam... Lister: And become an Officer... Rimmer: And become an Officer, yes! A man of honour, decency and breeding. Lister: You saying I haven't got those qualities? Rimmer: Generally, people with breeding, when they're bored and want my bridge club chums to wrap up and go home, people with breeding generally do not play Popeye the Sailor Man with a Kazoo inserted between their buttocks! Lister: I remember that! I used to do that sort of thing, didn't I? Rimmer: While we're on the subject, when someone's had a tad too much Claret and has fallen asleep naked on their bunk, people of honour generally do not take a Polaroid of your snoozing todger, draw a beard, mouth and ears on it, and then pin it up on the bulletin board under 'missing persons'. They don't write underneath 'Have you seen this man, believed to be a French movie star'. Lister: As if your todger with a couple of eyes on it could look like a French movie star. Way to good-looking. Rimmer: Don't expect help from me, Lister. Lister: But that was years ago... Rimmer: It was last week! Lister: Yeah, last week for you, because you've just been resurrected. Years ago for me. And anyway, I was Wurlitzered then. I even finished off the Advocaat. I even finished off that smeg-awful pink stuff at the back of the drinks cabinet. Rimmer: That was my Windolene. I must have left it there when I was cleaning the glass. Lister: It tasted all right with that Chartreuse green liqueury thing in it. Rimmer: You drank my Swagfega too? You're unbelievable! Lister: I'm different now. More mature; more debonair. I don't even stir my tea with a spanner any more. You'd hardly recognize me. Rimmer: Have you stopped playing the guitar? Lister: No. But I've stopped accompanying myself on my armpit. What I'm trying to say is I don't have to take my frustrations out on you any more. Rimmer: How's that? Lister: Well, I've been away, what is it? Five, six years, not counting stasis. I've done stuff. Stuff that'd make your hair straight. I've come through it... I can help you? Rimmer: Help me what? Lister: Get promoted. Become an Officer. Rimmer: Preposterous!... How? Lister: Information. I've seen the crew's confidential reports. I've seen their strengths and their weaknesses. Rimmer: How? Lister: Well, before you were resurrected, I had the run of the whole of the ship. I've seen the crew's files, medical records, sessions with the therapist. The works. 'Knowledge is power', who said that? Rimmer: I dunno. Lister: Nor do I. The point I'm trying to make is, I can make you look like a genius. You can get promoted in the field, man, you won't have to take exams... All that astro-engineering smeg... Just help me escape. Rimmer: I have my principles. You think you can buy me with promises of power and glory? You really think - OK I'LL DO IT! But you'll have to prove it to me first. Lister: You're on. Rimmer: Get me promoted. Lister: You got it. Rimmer: OK. Deal. Lister: You'll find the confidential files on Starbug's cockpit. There's a senile version of Holly loaded into this watch. [hands him the watch] He'll lead you to it. 33. Int. Dr McClaren's Office. Dr McClaren, a psychiatrist, is sitting at a desk, and Kryten is sitting opposite him. McClaren: Hullo! I'm Dr Lucus McClaren. I'm the ship's chief psychiatric counselor, and I thought it was about time we got together and had a really good natter. Kryten: My name is Kryten, sir. McClaren: Lovely! We are doing well, aren't we? Now, you're a robot, aren't you? Kryten: I was the last time I looked, sir, yes. McClaren: Hm. And can you tell me when you were created. Can you remember? Kryten: 2340, sir. McClaren: Very good. 2340. Now that's in the future, isn't it? Kryten: Yes, sir, I was created after you died. McClaren: Lovely, lovely. So I died, and then you were created, and how long would you say I've been dead? Kryten: Well, you're not dead any more, sir. McClaren: Aren't I? Kryten: No no, you're alive again now, sir. Can't you tell? McClaren: Right. Hehe. I was alive - died - and then started living again. Kryten: Yes, you've been most fortunate, sir. McClaren: Have I? Hehe. Golly. Your chair is screwed down, isn't it, Kryten? Kryten: Yes, sir. McClaren: Just checking. Excellent. Lovely. Lovely. Sooooo. How did I suddenly spring back to life again? Kryten: You were rebuilt, sir, by these eensy weensy, teeny weeny, teenty little robots. McClaren: Hmmm. Teenty little robots? Kryten: Yes, sir. And they make this little noise: [impersonating nanobots:] MINIMINIMINIMINIMINIMINIMINI!!!! McClaren: Yes, just double check that chair for me, would you, Kryten? It's screwed down, isn't it? Kryten: Yes, sir. McClaren: With really long screws that go deep, DEEP into the ground. Hehe. Kryten: Er, yes, sir. McClaren: Now, tell me, what kind of robot do you think you are? What are you programmed to do? Kryten: I am a sanitation droid, sir. I am programmed to do sanitation-type things... washing, cleaning, ironing... McClaren: You also drive space ships, though, don't you? Pretend to be the Science Officer and sit in that lovely swivelly chair in front of all those lovely pretty buttons and press them all. Kryten: Yes, I do that too, sir. That's sort of thanks to Mr Lister. McClaren: Mr Lister? Kryten: Yes... He helped me break my programming sir. Over the years I've managed to develop some serious character faults of which I'm very proud. I'm even able to lie to a modest standard. For example: 'You have a very fine haircut!' Huhhuh-HUH! You see how good I've got? Also, I've completely mastered pomposity, even though I say so myself! I've also developed several rudimentary emotions, including Fear: 'OH-MY-GOD! IT'S-GOING-TO-KILL-US!'; Sadness: 'Oh my God... It's killed us...'; Happiness: 'Oh no it HASN'T!'; Surprise: 'Oooooh! I've turned into a FROG!!!'. And just lately, I'm pleased to say I've got the hang of anger, with rudimentary mindless violence! [He shouts and slams his fist down on McClaren's hand]. That's a newie! I wanted to launch it at this year's Emotions Show. At the moment, I'm working on ambivalence, which means feeling two opposite, irreconcilable emotions about the same thing. [He screws the 'muscles' in his face around in a bizarre manner]. As you can see I haven't quite got the hang of that one yet! I look like a dog with a caramel toffee. McClaren: What is your relationship with Lister? Kryten: I love Mr Lister, sir. He taught me everything. Without him I'd probably be normal! McClaren: I'm going to make a recommendation now, Kryten, which I think will help you, but just before I do, just double check that chair for me, would you? Kryten checks the chair while McClaren gets out a rubber stamp and on his report sheet stamps the words 'RESTORE TO FACTORY SETTINGS'. 34. Int. Cargo bay. A figure is poking around the Starbug wreckage. It's Rimmer. 35. Int. Starbug Cockpit. Rimmer is searching for the files in all the wreckage. He finds the right disk. Rimmer: YES! He notices two vials on the ground and picks them up, reading their labels: Rimmer: Luck virus? Sexual magnetism? Holly, what's this? Holly: Dave got them years ago from this scientist called Lanstrom. They're positive viruses. One gives you sexual magnetism, and one gives you luck... Well, until your natural body defenses combat the virus. Rimmer: Sexual magnetism! Holly: You gonna use it? Rimmer: Is Paris a type of Plaster? You bet I am! A tiny swiggette to see if it works... Well, bottoms up! [drinks some of it]. Then bottoms down, and hopefully bottoms up again! Shot of Holly on his monitor, looking disgusted. He flicks up a caption: 'SICKBAGS ON STANDBY'. 36. Int. A Corridor. Rimmer is walking down the corridor. He comes to a group of girls, nods at them, and they respond with a lustful chorus of 'Hi Arnold'. He passes another group who do the same. With a cheeky grin he exclaims: Rimmer: The world loves a bastard! ON-SCREEN CAPTION: 'TO BE CONTINUED...' Roll Credits: Rimmer CHRIS BARRIE Lister CRAIG CHARLE Cat DANNY JOHN-JULES Kryten ROBERT LLEWELLYN Kochanski CHLOE ANNETT Holly NORMAN LOVETT Captain MAC McDONALD Chen PAUL BRADLEY Selby DAVID GILLESPIE MP Thornton KARL GLENN STIMPSON Doc Newton KIKA MIRYLEES Dr McClaren ANDY TAYLOR Casting Director LINDA GLOVER Music HOWARD GOODALL Production Assistant MIKE AMOS Graphic Designer ANDY SPENCE General Manager (GNP) HELEN NORMAN Location Manager KEN HAWKINS Production Co-Ordinator RACHEL STEWART Post Production Co-Ordinator SIMON BURCHELL Stage Manager JACQUELINE ZOPPI-TIGHE Gaffer JOHN BARKER Props Master PAUL DE CSERNATONY Props Buyer TIM YOUNGMAN Art Director IAN READE-HILL Vision Mixer JOHN BARCLAY Engineering manager ALAN GODLEMAN Camera Operator ANDY MARTIN Location Sound NIGEL DAVIS Sound Supervisor JEM WHIPPEY Geoff Moss Editor ARK WYBOURN Script Associate PAUL ALEXANDER Script Supervisor GILLIAN WOOD First Assistant Director JULIE SYKES Visual Effects Designer JIM FRANCIS Bill Pearson Ed Smith Digital Effects Designer CHRIS VEALE Make-Up Designer ANDREA FINCH Costume Designer HOWARD BURDEN Line Producer JO BENNETT Production Designer MEL BIBBY Director of Photography PETER MORGAN Executive Producer DOUG NAYLOR Produced and Directed by ED BYE GRANT NAYLOR PRODUCTIONS FOR BBC MCMXCIX This episode of Red Dwarf was transcribed by Den Cage (DC@rdw.org). It is copyrighted by Grant Naylor Productions and the BBC and no infringement of this is intended. This transcript may be freely distributed on non-subscription websites as long as this notice is not removed. http://www.rdw.org. Den Cage. 19 February 1999.