RED DWARF VIII EPISODE TWO 'BACK IN THE RED' Part Two Transcribed by Den Cage (DC@rdw.org) 1. Ext. SFX. Red Dwarf in space. CAPTION: THE MINING SHIP RED DWARF - RECONSTRUCTED TOGETHER WITH ITS ORIGINAL CREW, BY AN ARMY OF MICROSCOPIC ROBOTS. REASON - SMEG KNOWS. 2. Int. Widescreen. Captain's Office. Captain Hollister is speaking directly to the camera: Hollister: This is the personal daily report of Captain F. Hollister of the mining ship Red Dwarf. Several of my crew are presently being tried for crimes against the Space Corps. CUT TO A SERIES OF CLIPS FROM PART ONE: CLIP ONE: Int. Lister and Rimmer's Sleeping Quarters: Lister (talking to Rimmer): Look, this is gonna sound nuts, but the whole crew died, including you. And you've all been resurrected by these microscopic little robots. We've gotta track down these nanos to corroborate our story. otherwise who's gonna believe our defense? Only Metz drinkers and the corn circle society. I need your help, man. CLIP TWO: A waiting room near to the Captain's Office. Lister: I've seen the crew's files, medical records, sessions with the therapist. The works. I can make you look like a genius. You can get promoted in the field, man, you won't have to take exams... Just help me escape. Rimmer: I have my principles. You think you can by me with promises of power and glory? You really think - OK I'LL DO IT! But you'll have to prove it to me first. Lister: You're on. Rimmer: Get me promoted. Lister: You'll find the confidential files on Starbug's cockpit. There's a senile version of Holly loaded into this watch. He'll lead you to it. CLIP THREE: Starbug Wreckage Rimmer finds the confidential files on disk. Rimmer: YES! 3. Ext. SFX. Control tower of Red Dwarf in space. 4. Int. Captain's Office. Hollister is at his desk. Rimmer enters and begins to perform a salute. It's a very long salute. After about 7 seconds Rimmer speaks while the salute continues... Rimmer: My Captain, sir! After another five seconds of saluting: Hollister: Rimmer, is this salute ever going to end? Do I have time to go for a cup of coffee? Maybe go on vacation? Rimmer (still saluting): It's my very special extra long salute I reserve for the especially important, sir. The salute finally ends. Hollister: You wanted to see me? Rimmer: I'm concerned over some of the safety procedures on board, sir. There's a potentially lethal scenario concerning drive plates, sir. Obviously anyone who misrepaired one of these plates would have to have a brain the size of a leprechaun's testicle. Nevertheless, sir, like German tourists, the stupid are everywhere. I propose the following new safety procedures, sir. Rimmer hands Hollister a report file. Hollister reads with interest. Hollister: Did you really think of this? Rimmer: Permission to look smug, sir? Hollister: Permission granted. Rimmer looks smug. Hollister: Good work, Rimmer. Great work! Rimmer: Oh, before I go, sir: Happy Wedding Anniversary, sir. He produces a small blueberry muffin (incidentally with the logo TESCO written all over the case!) and places it on Hollister's desk. Rimmer: I'm sure you must be missing her terribly, sir. Hollister (picking up the muffin): A blueberry muffin... Like Martha used to make... Thanks, Rimmer... Dismissed. Rimmer: Ah, sir, just one more thing. I know the medical guys think we've run out of this stuff, but I discovered a couple of unopened medi-crates in storage, sir. If this is useful to you in any way, it's yours; no questions asked. Rimmer hands Hollister a tube. Hollister reads the label. Hollister: "Anus-soothe pile cream: The easy to apply cream that comes with it's own special glove". Rimmer hands him a glove. It has just one finger. Rimmer: One size fits all..... I could tell from your walk. Hollister: Rimmer... [picks up a piece of paper and an envelope. He writes on the envelope but does not seal it.] Could you post this for me? Rimmer: Why, certainly, sir. Hollister hands him the envelope and Rimmer seals it before turning it round to look who it's addressed to. Rimmer: Ah, it's addressed to me, sir! Hollister: I'm giving a supper for some of the guys that I've marked down for greater things.... Rimmer: And you want me to be the wine waiter, sir? Hollister: No. This report is first rate! Now, I want you to come to supper. Incidentally, it's black tie. Rimmer: Thai, Chinese... I'll eat anything, sir. Though I would prefer it if it wasn't black. Any chance of having mine medium-rare? Hollister: Just go. Wear what the Hell you want! Rimmer grins and begins his salute again, although this time it's performed backwards. It ends with a stamping of his right leg and he limps off, obviously having hurt his leg with the salute! 5. Int. Doctor's Office. A male doctor sits at a desk. His patient is Kryten. Doctor: Get undressed. Kryten goes behind the screen and emerges without his body armour. Doctor: Fill this up behind the screen. [Hands Kryten a urine bottle]. Kryten goes back behind the screen with the bottle. When he returns he has assembled a flower arrangement in the bottle he assumed to be a vase! TIME LAPSE; CUT TO: The Doctor is attempting to take Kryten's blood pressure. He is pumping away, and as he does so Kryten's hand on the opposite arm begins to inflate, unnoticed by the Doctor. Eventually Kryten's hand is pumped up so far it is catapulted across the room. TIME LAPSE; CUT TO: Kryten is lying down in the birth position with his legs open. The Doctor is standing at his feet, holding an electric drill. As he operates in Kryten's groinal area, one screw drops to the floor. Then another screw drops, and consequently so does Kryten's head, which rolls off down a corridor! 6. Int. Kochanski's quarters. Kochanski is sitting on her bed. A woman in a labcoat shows Kryten in. Kochanski: Kryten, hi. What're you doing here? What's wrong? Kryten: I've been classified as a woman. Kochanski: A woman? Why? Kryten: Well, because I haven't got a [whispers:] penis. It's a space corps directive to prevent gender ambiguity in jail. What's that saying? 'If you've got nothing to swing, you can't be with Bing!'. Kochanski: Well, what happened, did you lose it? Kryten: I was never issued with one, ma'am. Why would I need one unless somehow I lost both my arms and there was an emergency situation to write my name in the snow?! Kochanski: So you mean you've never had a steak pie, peas and chips then? Kryten: I think the phrase is 'meat and two veg', ma'am. The only mechanoids to be issued with genitals were the ones created to work on Italian starships. It was thought they could acclimatize themselves better if they could mimic their Italian crewmates and stand around cupping themselves all day. Kochanski: Hey! Now you're a woman it's gonna mean some big changes in the way you behave. Kryten: I'm not gonna be a woman for long, ma'am - just overnight. They want my permission to repair my corrupted files... tomorrow afternoon... restore my factory settings. Kochanski: But your corrupted files are what make you you. Kryten: I've been diagnosed as being quirky and unstable. Spin my nipple nuts and send me to Alaska! How could they reach a verdict like that? And as for unstable... it makes me so - [tries to express his emotions by screwing up his face, but fails to appear anything but stupid]... darn it. I still haven't got the hang of that emotion, have I? Kochanski: What was it supposed to be? Kryten: Ambivilance. Didn't come out right though, did it? I looked like Mr Lister when he's forced to eat fruit. Kochanski: Well, look, what're you going to do? Kryten: I have to go along with them, ma'am. I can't say no. After all, they are my superiors. Kochanski: You've got to say no. Kryten: I can't. They're better than me, I'm not strong enough. Kochanski: Right, here's a tip: If you get scared tomorrow, just imagine what they look like on the loo... Can you see them? Kryten: No... oooh! Yes, I can, huhhuhhuh! Kochanski: Do they still seem better than you? Kryten: No ma'am. Kochanski: Do they still seem superior? Kryten: No ma'am. Kochanski: Well, that's what you've got to do tomorrow, just recreate that picture! Kryten: It works for everyone! Kochanski: Yes! Who are you looking at now? Kryten: You ma'am! Kochanski gives one of her dirty looks. 7. Int. Court Room. Lister, Kochanski, Kryten and Cat are sitting at a table. There are guards present, but the board of enquiry haven't arrived yet. Guard: Be upstanding. They stand up as the board enter. Lister (to a worried-looking Kochanski): Just relax. Rimmer's going to help us escape. This enquiry's a piece of cake. We're just going through the motions. The board is chaired by Hollister. There are two female senior Officers with him, one of them is Doc Newton, the other is the Chief Panel Officer. Hollister: Let's get this enquiry under way. Everyone is seated. Hollister:You have refused defense assistance, is that right? Cat gestures to Lister, Kryten and Kochanski that he wants their attention for a huddle. Cat (quietly:): OK, this is what we do. I've watched a lot of TV shows, and we all huddle together like this and whisper for a little while before we answer and it looks like we know what we're doing. They all nod and turn to face the board. Cat: We intend to defend ourselves. They return to the 'huddle'. Cat: You see how good that looked?! They again face the board. Hollister: Are you familiar with the 'mind scan'? Lister: We are familiar with the mind scan, sir. Hollister: You are aware that it pictorially enhances the cognitive process making your innermost thoughts available for recording and viewing to a board of enquiry? Kochanski: Yes, sir. Hollister: You understand that it will involve the administration of psychotropic drugs, that is drugs that affect your mental state, making this process possible? If you accept, say 'aye'. Lister, Kochanski, Kryten and Cat: Aye. Hollister: Please sign the consent forms and seal them into the envelopes provided. They do so, licking the envelopes. Hollister: We will reconvene at 10 am tomorrow. 8. Int. A holding room. Lister is sitting in the holding room, the entrance to which is protected by a force-field. Rimmer comes through a corridor, opens a force-field, then opens the force-field to the holding room. He sits down with Lister, having reactivated the force field. Rimmer: It's working, Listy. Operation Get Rimmer Officerhood, Power and Eminence, or G.R.O.P.E. for short, is bang on course. Lister: That information I gave you on the drive plates worked, then? Yes! Rimmer: The Captain's face! He couldn't have been happier if I'd given him two girls wrestling in a giant vat of Baked Beans, then removed the girls and handed him a spoon. He's never been so pleased! And, get this, he's invited me to supper with the movers and the shakers. Lister: The movers and the shakers? You're going to supper with some removal men and a group of people suffering from Parkinson's Disease? Rimmer: At last I'll be able to exorcise my father's disapproval. Those terrible, sneery looks he used to give me, as he stood on the touchline watching me captain the school's skipping team. He was never proud of me. What other father would claim to have an alibi for his sperm on the night of conception? Who cares now? Not me, Listy. I'm on my way, up the ziggurat, lickety-split. Lister: Well, don't forget your part of the deal. The override code for this so I can leg it. Rimmer: It's too soon, I'm not an officer yet! Lister: The trial begins tomorrow, man! Without the nanobots our defense has got more holes than my socks. Rimmer: But once you've legged it, where does that leave me? I'm not helping you escape and losing all my insider knowledge. I'm not an officer yet. Lister: Woah! We shook hands on a deal! Rimmer: Yeah but, Lister, you know me; my handshakes are less reliable than a plumber's estimate. Lister: No escapo, no more info. Rimmer: Listy, its not going to help you. I've got the confidential files [shows him the disk]. Plus, I went through Starbug's salvage, and I found these [shows him the positive viruses Lister reaches out and touches the tubes in surprise]. Lister: The Luck virus... Sexual Magnetism. Rimmer: Positive viruses. Holly told me everything. Take some of this, it gives you luck, and this gives you sexual magnetism. I've already tried some... right now Yvonne McGruder is sleeping off the first 23 pages of the Karma Sutra. Rimmer stands to leave. He enters the override code for the force field and steps out. He continues to speak to Lister through the force field. Lister: So, you reneged on the deal, then? Breaking your promise? So you're a total scum-sucking, two-faced, weaselly weasel? Rimmer: Ah, my entry in "Who's Who"! Rimmer enters the code for the second force field, one that covers the corridor away from the holding bay, and exits. Lister: You left some of your luck behind, man. I touched the tube... Lister licks his finger and is dosed with Luck. He enters the correct override code into his security bracelet, then into the wall panel which breaks the forcefield, and finally into the second wall panel. Lister: Sheer luck! Lister exits via the corridor. 9. Int. A non-decorated room, presumably a medi-bay. The people present are the Panel Officer, Dr McClaren, Doc Newton, MP Thornton, a guard, and Kryten. Thornton is guarding Kryten with a rather large gun. Panel Officer: You may, if you prefer, stand with the others tomorrow and face the charges against you. However, I advise that you have your corrupted files repaired, after which you may go free. What is your decision? Kryten: Nnnnnnnnnnnnnn-... Nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn-... Nnnnnnnnnn-... Oh! It's no good! Kryten looks at Thornton and notices a sidearm in his holster, he grabs it and holds it up threateningly at Thornton. He gestures for Thornton to join the others, and he does... Kryten is holding five people at gunpoint! McClaren: Okay, let's all stay calm! No need to be... After all, Kryten is merely holding us hostage, which is lovely! Isn't it, everyone? Lovely! Newton: We don't want any trouble. We'll just do what you say. Kryten: Come on, then. Come with me. He leads them out the door. 10. Int. A public restroom. Kryten is ushering his five hostages into the restroom. Kryten: Come on, inside... Inside... That's it. Come on, all of you. Quick-quick-quick-quick. There we go, that's it. Now, I want you to take down your pants and sit on a toilet. Panel Officer (to Newton): Oh my God, he's mad! Newton (to Kryten): And then what are you going to do to us? Kryten: I'm going to look at you! Panel Officer: He's totally mad! Newton: Just... do what he says... McClaren: Lovely! The hostages all take a cubicle and sit on a toilet, taking down their pants. Kryten looks at each of them in turn and laughs in joy! McClaren is wearing suspenders. Kryten has a great big cheesy grin. Kryten: Now, I want you to ask me that question again. Panel Officer: What question? Kryten: 'Do I want to have my corrupted files repaired?' Newton: DO you want to have your corrupted files repaired? Kryten: Nnnnnn-... Nnnnnn-... Nnnn-NO. I did it! No, nnnnn-no! I don't! The answer to the question is 'NO'. No doubt about it, I do not want to have my corrupted files repaired. The answer is nnnn-no! Kryten is overjoyed and does not notice the footsteps as two guards enter the restroom behind him. They grab him, one injects him with something in his neck and he is knocked out. 11. Int. A corridor approaching an elevator. Lister and Kochanski enter the space. 12. Int. SFX. Escalator going down the lift shaft. 13. Int. Continuous action: The elevator. Kochanski: ...And, you just put in any code you felt like, and the Luck virus made you pick the right one? That's brilliant! Lister: Yeah, just rubbed me finger over the top of the tube. Kochanski: That's brilliant! That's just brilliant! Haaah... its a pity you didn't do the same with the sexual magnetism... Hmph! Hopeful look from Lister: He touched the Luck virus with one hand... Did he touch the Sexual magnetism with the other hand? It's worth a try, so he licks his other hand. Beat. Kochanski turns lustfully towards Lister: Kochanski: Is that a new shirt? Lister: Nah... I've had it a while. Kochanski: Oh. It's really nice. Lister: Thanks. Kochanski: It's really, really, nice... really suits you. Lister: Thanks! Kochanski: Brings out the... brown-ness... in your eyes... Suddenly, she grabs him and pulls him in for a kiss. She rips his belt off of his boiler suit and pulls the suit down over his shoulders and shoves him against the wall, planting another huge wet kiss on his lips. She drags him to the ground, pulling off their caps, and really goes for it! The, she suddenly stops mid-track. She climbs off him, mortified. Kochanski: Oh, god, Dave! I am so sorry! Oh! I don't know what happened there! Lister: I think I do: I had some Sexual Magnetism virus on this hand, but the Luck virus cured it for me. [he gives his fingers a dirty look]. Thanks pal. Kochanski: I don't know what got into me. Lister: Well, nothing, sadly. 14. Int. A medical observation room. Kryten is in a room, hooked up to electrodes which are connected to unseen terminals. The Panel Officer stands on the other side of a glass wall at a computer terminal. The monitor is above her head. We cut to a close-up of the monitor. On it appears a figure, the Data Doctor. Data Doctor: Hello. I'm the Data Doctor. if you would like me to examine your hard disk press 'Examine' There is an icon on the bottom of the screen that says 'Examine', a cursor, operated by the Chief Engineer, selects it. Data Doctor: Your mechanoid appears to have developed the following rogue emotions: affection, arrogance, envy, guilt, humour, insecurity, petulance, possessiveness, snobbery, and love. If you wish to eradicate these emotions from his database, press 'Fix'. The cursor selects the icon labeled 'Fix'. We see the emotions mentioned above being fixed pictorially on the screen. Data Doctor: All bad line blocks and corrupted personality disks have now been fixed. Please reboot your mechanoid. The cursor selects 'Reboot'. Data Doctor: His personality has now been restored to its factory settings. The Data Doctor disappears from the monitor. The following scenes with Kryten see him returned to his factory settings; he speaks in an English accent similar to the accent he spoke in when he first joined Red Dwarf in series 2. Kryten: My name is Kryten, I am programmed to serve. Can I be of service? Panel Officer: Bring me a coffee, please, Kryten. Kryten: Certainly, ma'am. Panel Officer: Then you may scrub the floor. Kryten: Yes, ma'am. Panel Officer: Are you happy? Kryten? Kryten: I have no understanding of human emotions, ma'am. I am programmed to serve. Panel Officer: Excellent. 15. Int. A corridor. Rimmer enters the space. Rimmer: I'm going to be Colin Charisma at the Captain's supper with this stuff! He takes a swig of Sexual Magnetism. He advances down the corridor. He encounters a group of girls who greet him with a lustful chorus of 'Hi', then another group of girls who do the same. 16. Int. The Captain's Table. Hollister is at the top of the table. Doc Newton is present. There are 4 other female Officers and one other male. As Rimmer speaks the female officers all look lustfully at him, licking their lips, raising their eyebrows, etc... Rimmer: ...And if we approach light speed, I think we have to be aware we could come across something I believe we'll experience called 'future echoes'... Certain pockets of... futurey things... from the future. Newton: How fascinating... What a fascinating man you are, Mr Rimmer. Hollister: I think we've greatly underestimated you over the years, Arnold. Now, let me find out where that coffee is. Newton: Oh no, Captain, please, allow me. [She stands]. Perhaps you could help me, Mr Rimmer? Rimmer: Why, certainly, and perhaps we can talk about my theory on backwards universes? 17. Int. A Corridor outside the Captain's Galley. Rimmer and Doc Newton enter the space. She is still staring lustfully at him. Rimmer: ...And, of course, in a backwards universe many things begin to make more sense... They stop outside the galley. She grabs him by the lapels and kisses him. It's a really big wet kiss! Newton: Oh my God - You are sexy... So very, VERY sexy! She shoves him through the galley door with serious intent. As the door shuts behind them we see a saucepan fly past the window. 18. Int. SFX. Elevator rising up the shaft. 19. Int. An elevator. Kochanski, Lister and Cat are present. They are wearing boiler suits, but Cat's is worn beneath his zebra-skin jacket. Cat: Bravo, bud! What now? Lister: Well, we find Kryten, get to the landing bay, grab a ship and get the hell outta town... He's on this floor. 20. Int. Continuous action: A corridor outside the elevator, opposite a medi-bay. They spot Kryten, who is dusting the wall. Lister: Here he is! Krytie, come on! Kryten: Are you addressing me, sir? I don't believe we've had the pleasure. Lister: What have they done to you, Kryten? You sound like Noel Coward's elocution teacher! Kryten (turning to go): Well, if you'll forgive me, sir, I have my duties to perform. Good day. [he moves off.] Kochanski: Ahhh... they've fixed all his corrupted files. He mustn't have been able to say 'no'. They follow Kryten down the corridor. When they get to a crossroads: Kochanski: Someone's coming! They turn back the way they've just walked. Lister: We've got to get a better disguise. Cat: We've already got a disguise! Lister: What's the point of a disguise if you wear it under your normal outfit, Cat? Cat: A grey boiler suit? You think I'm gonna wear this on the outside? Ha!! They enter the medi-bay. It is equipped with storage cabinets and dental facilities. Lister: Look, we're not leaving without him. I don't care what they've done to him, he's coming with us. He's part of the posse. Cat is rummaging through a cleaning cupboard. He finds some mops with black heads. Cat: Hey! I've got a great idea for a new disguise! Lister: What? Cat grabs a mop head, detached from its pole, and a set of false teeth from a nearby shelf. He puts the mop on his head and the teeth in his mouth. Cat: The Dibbley family!!! Lister: YES! Kochanski and Lister find their own Dibbley disguises. 21. Int. The Captain's Table. Rimmer and Newton return. Her hair is manic, her glasses don't quite sit on the bridge of her nose, and her lipstick is smeared over most of the rest of her face. Rimmer looks quite bedraggled too! Hollister: Ah! There you are! Any news on the coffee? Rimmer: Drat. We forgot... I'll find out right away, sir. Rather large female officer: I'll give you a hand, Mr Rimmer! 22. Int. Outside the Captain's galley. Through the window to the galley we see Rimmer's face with a terrified look. He drops down, out of the frame of the window and we see the rather large female's lustful expression of pleasure. 23. Int. A Medi-bay. Cat is in disguise as Duane Dibbley. Lister and Kochanski are disguised too. They are now the Dibbley family! MP Thornton and a guard enter. Thornton: Sorry to interrupt, sir, but we're searching this floor for the escaped prisoners. Cat/Dibbley: Sorry, we haven't seen them. Just me, my wife, here, and my brother. Lister/Dibbley: Hellooo! Kochanski/Dibbley: Hi! Lister/Dibbley: Hi! Thornton: I don't recollect seeing you guys before... Cat/Dibbley: That's because we don't go out much looking like this. Thornton: What do you guys do? Cat, Lister, Kochanski: Computer programmers!!! Thornton: Well, if you see anything suspicious, call security, okay? Kochanski/Dibbley: Er, you bet! Enter Kryten. Kryten: Begging your pardon, sirs, I just need to get a mop. How peculiar, my mop-heads are missing.... [Noticing Cat in his Duane disguise:] Don't I know you, sir? Wayne... Wayne something. Wayne Wibbley? Where do I know you from? Cat/Dibbley: No, no, sir, you're mistaken. You're mixing me up with some other big-teeth dork. Lister/Dibbley: No, let him speak. Where do you know him from? Cat/Dibbley: Are you out of your mind? Lister: Shhhh - shhh. Where do you know him from? Think! Kryten: I feel I'm about to discover something wonderful, but, when I discover it, it will put someone in great danger. I feel an emotion. I feel two emotions; two different emotions! I feel... I feel...- Kochanski: Ambivilance? Kryten: I can feel my files corrupting... they're... corrupting... I... oohh, oohh, oh yes, that's good! Oohh! [Here, Kryten's voice returns to normal:] I'm back, and I'm bad! Obviously, within certain sensible preset parameters... Holly (V.O.): Attention, attention! Reported prisoner sighting on C-deck, reported prisoner sighting on C-deck! Lister: Nice one Hol! [to Kochanski, who is looking preoccupied:] What's wrong with you? Kochanski: Well, do you get the impression this is too easy? Like, everything's going for us? Like they almost WANT us to escape! Lister holds up his middle finger. Kochanski: Hey, I was just thinking aloud! Lister: No, no! The Luck virus, it's helping us. Lister sneezes into his 'wig'. Lister (To Kryten): Put your kit on! 24. Int. The Captain's table. Rimmer enters with a begraggled looking female officer in tow. He carries a tray. Looking round the table, every female officer bar one has had their share of Rimmer's sexual magnetism! Rimmer: Here we are! Remembered the coffee at last. Hollister: What about the mints? The final female officer looks lustfully at Rimmer and stands. Female Officer: I'll go. Would you like to help me, Mr Rimmer? Rimmer: It's just, I've got so much coffee, I don't think I could manage to get any mints until tomorrow... The female officer is devastated and walks off as if she's just won the lottery but lost her ticket... Hollister: Well, the psychotropic testing should be well underway by now. Those results sure are going to be interesting. Rimmer: Psychotropic what? Hollister: The Lister case is so unusual that I decided to invoke my right to use psychotropic evidence. The accused are drugged, wired to a mainframe, then the computer feeds in various hypothetical scenarios and their reactions are laid down on tape. Right now, they believe they're escaping, but we just want to observe what they do. Rimmer: So, that means, that if anyone happens to mention any special agreements that they've entered into, then... Could you excuse me? I think I've... left the iron on... He stands and leaves, creasing over as he walks. 25. Int. A Corridor leading to yet another medi-bay. Rimmer is walking along, obviously quite 'sore' after his marathon sex session. He passes a group of girls. Girls: Hi! Rimmer: Hi... What is wrong with me?? I've got the sexual appetite of a mountain lion, no, worse, a first year nursing student! It's just being wanted, it's such an aphrodisiac. Got to get some control back! He enters a medi bay, picks up a hypodermic, presumably containing anaesthetic, and injects his groin with the contents! He thrusts his pelvis a couple of times, until the anaesthetic starts to have an effect and grabs a mallet which he uses to test the strength of the anaesthetic by hammering his groin several times. Satisfied with his lack of sensation, he puts the mallet down and leaves. 26. Int. Another corridor. Rimmer's lack of sensation in his groin is spreading to his legs. He cannot control them and has trouble walking. He proceeds in a manner reminiscent of John Cleese's 'Silly Walks' sketch from 'Monty Python'. There are another group of women hanging about. Rimmer: Hi! Women: Hi! Captain Hollister is standing in the corridor. Hollister: Never realized you were so damn popular with the ladies... Maybe you can share your secret sometime? Rimmer: Yes, sir! 27. Int. A corridor. Kryten, Kochanski, Cat and Lister, in their Dibbley disguises, enter the space in slo-mo to the theme from 'Reservoir Dogs'. They begin to march down the corridor. From behind them comes a squeaking noise; Lister turns to see two Skutters following them. Lister: Guys, it's Bob and Max. [tries to shoo them away] Go on, shoo, guys, shoo... go on, go on! We're trying to escape, but you'll never get past security, so go on! Go on! The Skutters exit, but return seconds later. When they return, they too sport mop heads and false teeth. They are the Dibbley Skutters! CUT TO BLACK; ON-SCREEN CAPTION: 'TO BE CONTINUED...' Roll Credits: Rimmer CHRIS BARRIE Lister CRAIG CHARLES Cat DANNY JOHN-JULES Kryten ROBERT LLEWELLYN Kochanski CHLOE ANNETT Holly NORMAN LOVETT Captain MAC McDONALD Doc Newton KIKA MIRYLEES Panel Woman Officer JEMMA CHURCHILL Dr McClaren ANDY TAYLOR Second Woman Officer SUE KELVIN MP Thornton KARL GLENN STIMPSON Last Woman Officer GENEVIEVE SWALLOW Doctor GEOFFREY BEEVERS Casting Director LINDA GLOVER Music HOWARD GOODALL Production Assistant MIKE AMOS Graphic Designers ANDY SPENCE BEN SHEPHERD General Manager (GNP) HELEN NORMAN Production Co-Ordinator RACHEL STEWART Post Production Co-Ordinator SIMON BURCHELL Stage Manager JACQUELINE ZOPPI-TIGHE Gaffer JOHN BARKER Props Master PAUL DE CSERNATONY Props Buyer TIM YOUNGMAN Art Director IAN READE-HILL Vision Mixer JOHN BARCLAY Engineering manager ALAN GODLEMAN Camera Operator ANDY MARTIN Location Sound NIGEL DAVIS Sound Supervisor JEM WHIPPEY Geoff Moss Editor MARK WYBOURN Script Associate PAUL ALEXANDER Script Supervisor GILLIAN WOOD First Assistant Director JULIE SYKES Visual Effects Designer JIM FRANCIS Bill Pearson Mark Howard Digital Effects Designer CHRIS VEALE Make-Up Designer ANDREA FINCH Costume Designer HOWARD BURDEN Line Producer JO BENNETT Production Designer MEL BIBBY Director of Photography PETER MORGAN Executive Producer DOUG NAYLOR Produced and Directed by ED BYE GRANT NAYLOR PRODUCTIONS FOR BBC MCMXCIX This episode of Red Dwarf was transcribed by Den Cage (DC@rdw.org). It is copyrighted by Grant Naylor Productions and the BBC and no infringement of this is intended. This transcript may be freely distributed on non-subscription websites as long as this notice is not removed. http://www.rdw.org. Den Cage. 27 February 1999.