2689717 1998-02-06  01:48  /124 rader/ (Hedbor,) David Hedbor - med licens att döda (eller nåt)
Mottagare: Roliga historier och annat skoj <2272>
Markerad av 8 personer.
Ärende: 1997 Darwin award
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Jag har för mig att jag har sett de flesta tidigare, men vinnaren har
jag inte sett.

> >
> >The 1997 Darwin Award competition
> >These awards are given each year to bestow upon (the remains of) that
> >individual, who through single-minded self-sacrifice, has done the
> >most to remove undesirable elements from the human gene pool. Note
> >there was great improvement in the areas of teamwork and cooperation
> >among the candidates in 1997-- it's no longer an individual sport.
> >Here are (drum roll) the 1997 runners-up and winners:
> >
> >5th runner-up:
> >A San Anselmo, California man died when he hit a lift tower at the
> >Mammoth Mountain ski area while riding down the slope on a foam pad.
> >22-year old David Hubal was pronounced dead at Centinela Mammoth
> >Hospital. The accident occurred about 3 a.m., The Mono County
> >Sheriff's Department said. Hubal and his friends apparently had hiked
> >up a ski run called Stump Alley and undid some yellow foam protectors
> >from lift towers, said Lt. Mike Donnelly of the Mammoth Lakes Police
> >Department. The pads are used to protect skiers who might hit towers.
> >The group apparently used the pads to slide down the ski slope and
> >Hubal crashed into a tower. It has since been investigated and
> >determined the tower he hit was the one with its pad removed.
> >
> >4th Runner-up:
> >Robert Puelo, 32, was apparently being disorderly in a St. Louis
> >market.  When the clerk threatened to call the police. Puelo grabbed
> a
> >hot dog, shoved it into his mouth and walked out without paying.
> >Police found him unconscious in front of the store-paramedics removed
> >the six-inch wiener from his throat where it had choked him to death.
> >
> >3rd Runner-up:
> >Poacher Marino Malerba of Spain, who shot a stag standing above
> >him on an overhanging rock and was killed instantly when it fell on
> >him.
> >
> >2nd Runner-up:
> >Man loses face at party. A man at a West Virginia party (probably
> >related to the man in Arkansas who used the 22 bullet to replace the
> >fuse in his pick-up truck) popped a blasting cap into his mouth and
> >bit down, triggering an explosion that blew off his lips, teeth, and
> >tongue. Jerry Stromyer, 24, of Kincaid, bit the blasting cap as a
> >prank during the party late Tuesday night, said Cpl. M.D.  Payne.
> >"Another man had it in an aquarium hooked to a battery and was trying
> >to explode it", said Payne.  "It wouldn't go off and this guy said
> >I'll show you how to set it off".  "He put it into his mouth and bit
> >down. It blew all his teeth out and his lips and tongue off", Payne
> >said.  Stromyer was listed in guarded condition Wednesday with
> >extensive facial injuries, according to a spokesperson at Charleston
> >Area Medical Division.
> >"I just can't imagine anyone doing something like that". Payne said.
> >
> >1st Runner-up:
> >Doctors at Portland University Hospital said an Oregon man shot
> >through the skull by a hunting arrow is lucky to be alive and will be
> >released soon from the hospital. Tony Roberts, 25, lost his right eye
> >last weekend during an initiation into a man's rafting club, Mountain
> >Men Anonymous (probably known now as Stupid Mountain Men
> >Anonymous) in Grants Pass, Oregon. A friend tried to shoot a beer can
> >off his head, but the arrow entered Robert's right eye.  Doctors said
> had
> >the arrow gone 1 millimeter to the left, a major blood vessel would
> have
> >been cut and Roberts would have died instantly.
> >Neurosurgeon Doctor Johnny Delashaw at the University Hospital in
> >Portland said the arrow went through 8 to 10 inches of brain with the
> >tip protruding at the rear of his skull, yet somehow managed to miss
> >all major blood vessels. Delashaw also said had Roberts tried to pull
> >the arrow out on his own he surely would have killed himself. Roberts
> >admitted afterwards he and his friends had been drinking that
> >afternoon. Said Roberts, "I feel so dumb about this". No charges have
> >been filed, but the Josephine County district attorney's office said
> >the initiation stunt is under investigation.
> >
> >Last year's winner, you will remember, was the fellow who was killed
> >when he attached a JATO (Jet Assisted Take Off) unit to his Chevy
> >Impala and shot himself and his car into a desert cliff at 300 M.P.H.
> >
> >Now this year's winners:
> >(The late) John Pernicky and his friend, (the late) Sal Hawkins, of
> >the great state of Washington, decided to attend a local Metallica
> >concert at the Gorge, Washington amphitheater. Having no tickets (but
> >having had 18 beers between them), they thought it would be easy to
> >"hop" over the nine-foot fence and sneak into the show. They pulled
> >their pick-up truck over to the fence and the plan was for (the late)
> >Mr. Pernicky (who was 100-pounds heavier than Mr.  Hawkins) to hop
> the
> >fence and then assist his friend over. Unfortunately for (the late)
> >Mr. Pernicky, there was a 30-foot drop on the other side of the
> fence.
> >Having heaved himself over, he found himself crashing through a tree.
> >His fall was abruptly halted (and broken, along with his arm, as it
> >were) by a large branch that snagged him by his shorts. Dangling from
> >the tree with a broken arm, he looked down and saw some bushes
> >below him. (Possibly) figuring the bushes would break his fall, he
> >removed his pocketknife and proceeded to cut away his shorts to free
> >himself from the tree. Finally free, (did I mention he is THE LATE)
> Mr.
> >Pernicky crashed into Holly bushes. The sharp leaves scratched his
> >ENTIRE body and now without the protection of his shorts, a Holly
> >branch penetrated his rectal cavity. To make matters worse (?!), on
> >landing, his pocketknife penetrated his thigh 3-inches. (The late)
> Mr.
> >Hawkins, on seeing his friend in considerable pain and agony, decided
> >to throw him a rope and pull him to safety (now he thinks of the "S"
> >word) by tying the rope to the pick-up truck and slowly driving away.
> >However, in his drunken haste/state, he put the truck into reverse
> and
> >crashed through the fence landing on his friend and killing him.
> >Police arrived to find the crashed pick-up with its driver thrown
> >100-feet from the truck and dead at the scene from massive internal
> >injuries. Upon moving the truck, they found John under it, half-naked
> >with scratches on his body, a holly stick in his rectum, a knife in
> >his thigh, and his shorts dangling from a tree branch 25-feet in the
> >air.
> >
> >Congratulations gentlemen, you win...
> >Remember, safety first...  Remember THE safety question:
> >"WHAT'S THE WORST THAT CAN HAPPEN IF I DO THIS?"
> >
> >
>
(2689717) /(Hedbor,) David Hedbor - med licens att döda (eller nåt)/
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