It seems a man, wanting to rob a downtown Bank of America, walked into the
branch and wrote, "This iz a stikkup. Put all your muny in this bag." While
standing in line, waiting to give his note to the teller, he began to worry
that someone had seen him write the note and might call the police before he
reached the teller window. So he left the Bank of America and crossed the
street to Wells Fargo. After waiting a few minutes in line, he handed his
note to the Wells Fargo teller. She read it and, surmising from his spelling
errors that he was not the brightest light in the harbor, told him that she
could not accept this stick up note because it was written on a Bank of
America deposit slip and that he would either have to fill out a Wells Fargo
deposit slip or go back to Bank of America. Looking somewhat defeated, the
man said "OK" and left. The Wells Fargo teller then called the police who
arrested the man a few minutes later, as he was waiting in line back at Bank
of America.

45 year old Amy Brasher was arrested in San Antonio, Texas after a mechanic
reported to police that 18 packages of marijuana were packed in the engine
compartment of the car which she had brought to the mechanic for an oil
change. According to police, Brasher later said that she didn't realize that
the mechanic would have to raise the hood to change the oil.

Drug possession defendant Christopher Jansen, on trial in March in Pontiac,
Michigan, said he had been searched without a warrant. The prosecutor said
the officer didn't need a warrant because a "bulge" in Christopher's jacket
could have been a gun. Nonsense, said Christopher, who happened to be wearing
the same jacket that day in court. He handed it over so the judge could see
it. The judge discovered a packet of cocaine in the pocket and laughed so
hard he required a five-minute recess to compose himself.

Clever drug traffickers used a propane tanker truck entering El Paso from
Mexico. They rigged it so propane gas would be released from all of its
valves while the truck concealed 6,240 pounds of marijuana. They were clever,
but not bright. They misspelled the name of the gas company on the side of
the truck.

The Special Mike Tyson Award:

Oklahoma City: Dennis Newton was on trial for the armed robbery of a
convenience store in a district court this week when he fired his lawyer.
Assistant district attorney Larry Jones said Newton, 47, was doing a fair job
of defending himself until the store manager testified that Newton was the
robber. Newton jumped up, accused the woman of lying and then said, "I should
of blown your [expletive] head off." The defendant paused, then quickly
added, "-if I'd been the one that was there." The jury took 20 minutes to
convict Newton and recommended a 30 year sentence.

R.C. Gaitlin, 21, walked up to two patrol officers who were showing their
squad car computer equipment to children in a Detroit neighborhood. When he
asked how the system worked, the officer's asked him for a piece of
identification. Gaitlin gave them his driver's license, they entered it into
the computer, and moments later they arrested Gaitlin because information on
the screen showed Gaitlin was wanted for a two year old armed robbery in St.
Louis, Missouri.

MEGA MORON AWARDS

Ann Arbor: The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a
Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan at 12:50am, flashed a gun and demanded
cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't open the cash
register without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk
said they weren't available for breakfast. The man, frustrated, walked away.

Kentucky: Two men tried to pull the front off a cash machine by running a
chain from the machine to the bumper of their pickup truck. Instead of
pulling the front panel off the machine, though, they pulled the bumper off
their truck. Scared, they left the scene and drove home. With the chain still
attached to the machine. With their bumper still attached to the chain. With
their vehicle's license plate still attached to the bumper.

Kentwood Michigan: A fellow filled out an application to attend the Kentwood
Citizens Police Academy, which educates citizens about police procedures, the
criminal justice system, how to avoid being a victim of crime, etc. etc. In a
routine background check, this fellow was found to be wanted on an
outstanding warrant. Rather than attend the Academy, he went to jail.

And the funniest one of all times.....

Florida: A thief burst into the bank one day wearing a ski mask and carrying
a gun. Aiming his gun at the guard, the thief yelled,
"FREEZE, MOTHER-STICKERS, THIS IS A F***UP!"
For a moment, everyone was silent. Then the snickers started. The guard
completely lost it and doubled over laughing. It probably saved his life,
because he'd been about to draw his gun. He couldn't have drawn and fired
before the thief got him. The thief ran away and is still at large. In memory
of the event, the bank later put a plaque on the wall engraved "Freeze,
mother-stickers, this is a f***up!"